Random Movies in Random Categories (Flubberghast #3)

I am writing this as a large thank-you and apology for my not posting anything for nine days! This is what happens when you go to Iowa City for a weekend to compete in a car competition and the week beforehand is spent working on said car! I don’t have any movie reviews to post today, but instead, let’s take a look at a collection of films that all fit into the best-of-the-rest categories that I wanted to talk lightly about. Ima trying, Ima trying!

Hold onto your hats, this one’s a doozie!

Best Explosive Film

V for Vendetta

I really struggled between this and The Hurt Locker, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget Hugo Weaving laughing maniacally as the Old Bailey explodes with fireworks overhead, with the 1812 Overture playing in the background. One of the most memorable movie moments for me. Combine that with V’s burial-by-fire and Parliament exploding, and we have one explosive film! There’s a couple more as well. Honorable mention here also goes to Matrix Reloaded for the highway scene.

Verdict: Everyone PROBABLY SHOULD watch V for Vendetta for a great story and a fun time as well, even if Natalie Portman is just meh.

Movie That Has Sat the Longest on My Shelf without Being Seen

Dances with Wolves

Seriously. I think I bought it on sale on DVD over a year ago, and I still haven’t watched it. Sometimes, I just really need to be motivated to watch a Kevin Costner film. Plus, the last “great” Native American film that I saw, The Last of the Mohicans, was an overrated snoozer. The early 90’s are not well known for grading their own movies correctly (see Braveheart).

Most Overrated Film

Gone with the Wind

So it glorifies the fall of the South. Okay. So Clark Gable turns in a great performance. Okay. But one character, who the entire movie focuses on, ruined this experience for me. Sorry, Scarlett O’Hara, but I absolutely hate your spoiled-rotten guts. Worst heroine ever, and you can add this to the list of overrated movies with Titanic and Avatar (here’s to James Cameron).

Verdict: An EMPTY movie leaves me disappointed, and this one delivers.

Best Romance

Her

In all honesty, I went back through as many romantic movies as I knew, and I cannot name a single one that affected me like this movie did. Joaquin Pheonix’s performance is so heartfelt, the story so enwrapping, and Scarlett Johansson is so believable as the computer Samantha, that I really had little choice in the matter. Just read my review to see in greater detail how romantic this movie truly is.

Verdict: All couples DEFINITELY SHOULD see this movie that shows us just what relationships are like.

Films That I Want to See Again But Have Been Just Sittin’ There Waiting for Me

To Kill a Mockingbird, Seven Samurai, The Princess Bride, 12 Years a Slave, Prisoners, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy on Blu Ray

Yeah, I have these all in a pile, waiting to be watched again. One of these days, my friends, one of these days.

What’s Been Keeping Me from Watching the Above Films

Titanfall, Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare, Netflix, life, books

Life includes anything associated with not wasting time. I guess blogging should probably be in there too. Huh.

Best Comedy

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

I mean, come on, seriously? How could I ever pass up on the hilarious adventures of King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table as portrayed by the Monty Python crew? I think the most important question here, really, is: what is your favorite color?

Verdict: If you’re looking for a good laugh, you SHOULD rent this film as soon as you can and try to not hurt yourself from laughing.

Best Mind(expletive)ing Film

Memento

Both Fight Club and Apocalypse Now were seriously in the running for this, but I still love the told-backwards story of Memento. This is one of those few films that can put you squarely into the mind of the protagonist and how he has to deal with issues. In this case, short-term memory loss. Just try to figure out the entire film the first time through. I dare you.

Verdict: Christopher Nolan fans SHOULD see this film soon for sure, since it was Nolan’s directorial debut and showcased his immense talent, as well as the writing talent of his brother Jonathan.

Worst Film in Recent Memory

Tie – Norbit and The Grownups

No joke. Both of these were just terrible. Adam Sandler has never been very funny to begin with, but he hit a new low in The Grownups. Even with Kevin James and Chris Rock, this movie produces very few laughs and makes you more annoyed with the large amount of men acting like children, with their sexual desires mixed in. Then Norbit… well, let’s just consider it solid evidence that Eddie Murphy will never be funny again without a digital donkey to voice. Gag me.

Verdict: Both of these movies will leave you EMPTY INSIDE, and in need of an antacid.

Best Marvel Film

Marvel’s The Avengers

One of Joss Whedon’s finest films, Serenity… er, I mean, Marvel’s Serenity!... umm, The Avengers, was entertaining with tons of humor, action, and witty dialogue. Throw in its perfect combination of Captain America 2 and Iron Man 3 (before they made those actual movies), a docile Hulk (don’t care for that bit, but eh), and we have the finest movie that Marvel has ever made. I would have put Best Superhero Film here, but it’d be unfair with the existence of The Dark Knight.

Verdict: This is a PROBABLY SHOULD movie for me, even if others disagree. Mostly entertaining.

Best Plot Twist

The Usual Suspects

We do not speak about Fight Club, so instead we will speak about this movie. One of my favorite crime movies completely blindsided me with its ending. Kevin Spacey turned in an Oscar-winning performance as palsy-ridden con man Verbal Kint and the screenplay won an Oscar as well for its twisting plot.

And that’s all I will say. No ruined surprises here!

Verdict: People looking for a good mystery SHOULD watch this movie soon, and enjoy the excellent cast of Kevin Spacey, Stephen Baldwin, Gabriel Byrne and others!

My Favorite Movie Theater

Cinemark Tulsa

The new AMC Southroads is a moviegoer’s delight, but that sticker price and the hassle of reserving seats makes it less enjoyable. The refillable cup and bucket, however, at the Cinemark make it one of my favorite places to go, since those portions always end up being the perfect amount for my wife and me to share, and at somewhere around half the price. Plus, it’s in a nice area and right next to the highway (making it easier to access from wherever I am). If I had to go with seat comfort, though, I’d still take Riverwalk Movies over both of these theaters.

Best War Film

Apocalypse Now

Not even close. I will say that Saving Private Ryan is the best war movie actionwise, The Hurt Locker is the best modern-day war movie, and The Bridge on the River Kwai rounds out my favorite war films, but Apocalypse Now remains king. Martin Sheen’s acting, Francis Ford Coppola’s directing, and a story based on Heart of Darkness make this one of my favorite movies of all time. Very few films can take you right into the mind and setting of war as this one can. As legendary Marlon Brando states about war, “The horror. The horror.”

Verdict: Everyone over 15 years old DEFINITELY SHOULD see this movie, and enjoy the music, scenery, acting and story. Barely second place on my all-time list.

Best Biopic

Citizen Kane

“Rosebud.”

One word to describe an entire man’s life. Citizen Kane showed us how full and empty a man’s life can be, even when he has almost everything in the world. This two hour gem gives us Charles Foster Kane’s life from beginning to end, and how he rose and fell and sought only to be loved. Powerful, powerful film.

Verdict: You DEFINITELY SHOULD watch this black-and-white classic at your earliest opportunity, and enjoy the story within.

Best Shoot ‘Em Up

The Matrix

Bullets. Slow motion. Dodging. Kansas City going bye-bye.

Everyone knows and loves this sci fi achievement, and there was no competition for this category. Keanu Reeves turns in a career-best performance (not saying much, but hey) and Laurence Fishburne portrays his only good role since being Clean from Apocalypse Now. Albeit dated, this wunderkind still packs a punch and drops the shells like no other.

Verdict: If you haven’t already seen it, do yourself a favor and watch it, because you DEFINITELY SHOULD.

Best Hack N’ Slash

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Although Return of the King also had tons of epic sword-slashing, the greatest battle of the LOTR Trilogy took place at Helm’s Deep. Seven Samurai was a close third to the aforementioned two, but nothing will be able to defeat the pure fury of the Uruk-hai assaulting the small fortress of Rohan. Plus, this one also had the battle of the Wargs. Gotta love Middle Earth.

Verdict: I really have a hard time believing that anyone hasn’t seen this movie already, but if not, you DEFINITELY SHOULD.

Predicting the Most Disappointing Film of 2014

The Amazing Spider-Man 2

Jamie Foxx as Electro? Rhino is now a mechanical beast? A sequel to that mediocre Spider-Man reboot? There are many question marks surrounding this film for me, and although Andrew Garfield is a major upgrade over Tobey Maguire as our friendly neighborhood superhero, I question a lot of the casting in this movie. I have no idea who the kid playing Harry Osborn is, but he seems way too goofy for a role that James Franco truly made his own. Paul Giamatti is too cute to play Rhino. But I still hear so much hype about this film every day. Here’s hoping, but if Captain America 2 is any sign, this will be entertaining at best, but falling well short of any semblance of The Dark Knight’s greatness.

That should do it for now. I fully expect to return to my old schedule this week or the next, depending. That’s what happens at the end of a school semester: tons of homework, projects, and exams! Until then, you all have a great week!

YOU’VE BEEN FLUBBERGHASTED!

Ginseng (for the Soul) #6

I post this from now, 5:44 am Central U.S. time, to say that I truly and dearly

Hate homework.

That is all. Otherwise, enjoy your morning and week like I'm sure that I will! *cough cough*

(1/2) There once was a little baby, wings ready to soar. But his mother didn’t want him. Now he is no more. c) RDB #twisp
— Robert D Beltran (@Pathos103) April 24, 2013

(2/2) But he spread his wings and flew up, above into sky. Then fell into his Father’s arms, where he’ll always lie. c) RDB #twisp
— Robert D Beltran (@Pathos103) April 25, 2013

Signs That You’re Too Big for Your Pants

You've lost feeling below your ankles. Or hips.

Whenever you walk, you have to fabricate a story about a knee-injury to justify your waddling like a duck.

You lost a finger the last time you tried to pull your wallet out of your back pocket.

People sometimes ask you, "Are you a professional scuba diver, or do you just wear the gear?"

The last time you sat down, the button of your pants snapped off and injured a co-worker.

It takes you forty-five minutes to put your pants on, even with the aid of a small crane and power winch.

When you ask for an honest opinion, your spouse tells you that your pants look great.



P.S. - Did you notice how I used two different "your" words in the same sentence correctly? It's not actually that difficult, internet!

Retrospection #5 (3/31-4/5)

Another week in paradise, and another month in the books. I want to give a huge Thank You to everyone that has been reading my blog, since I was able to go over >>400<< views during my first month of blogging! Bonus fact: my review of Noah ended up being my most viewed post by about double the views of second place. I look forward to continue writing for everyone that likes reading what I write!

3/31: Ginseng (for the Soul)

What is the approved truth and what is approved by The Rules?

3/31: The Should, the Could and the Empty (Film Snob)

Bonus review on Monday! Noah is a creative take on an old tale that rejuvenates the emotions that have fallen out of the story.

4/1: This Is a Football

The Cowboys defense still sucks, Manti Te’o’s girlfriend tries out at receiver for the Panthers, and the Broncos look ready to return to the Super Bowl and get their butts kicked by whatever NFC team. The good and bad of free agency recapped.

4/2: The Should, the Could and the Empty (Film Snob)

Back on the normal schedule, Enemy is a mesmerizing look into a man’s psyche in this doppelganger mystery thriller from Prisoners director Denis Villeneueve and lead actor Jake Gyllenhaal. My favorite movie of 2014 thus far.

4/3: 451 Kindlings

Are you looking for a great novel series outside of The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, or Game of Thongs? Look no further than the excellent Inheritance Cycle, which begins with Eragon, by fellow homeschooled writer Christopher Paolini.

4/4: Revisiting the Movies

We’re off to see the Wizard of Oz as we journey back to the 1930’s to read about my favorite classic from that era (screw you, Gone with the Wind!).

4/4: The Should, the Could and the Empty (Film Snob)

Three movie reviews in one week! This one reflects on Captain America: The Winter Soldier and how it’s still more of the same despite critical praise.

4/5: The Writer Within

Ever wondered what an essay written in satirical Twain style would look like from my hands? Wonder no more and read what I did my best(ish) upon when I was 15 years old.

Another wonderful month-beginning week of blogging, combined with several exams! Whoo hoo, I love school! Yeah!

The Fall of the Youth: The Writer Within #2

When I was 15 years old, I found myself in a writing class for homeschoolers, and amidst all of my assigned writing, I found an author whose work I fell in love with. Mark Twain was and is my favorite writer, and so, as part of my class, I wrote an essay in my best imitative style of Twain. My teacher called it “Beltwainish”. So, here it is, unadulterated and still full of gumption.

The Fall of the Youth

Oh, how the youth have fallen! Speaking as one, I can volunteer my own point of view, an objective one at that. We are so corrupt that we cannot be saved anymore. Just ask any middle-aged person on the street; they will agree that the youth nowadays are corrupt and fallen.

You see it everyday in the news now. Juvenile shootings, juvenile crime waves, juvenile rapes, juvenile robberies, juvenile…well, you get the picture. But what most people, including myself, don’t understand is why juvenile crimes have risen so much in the past few years.

I mean, our parents are perfect model citizens. They always tell us not to smoke, drink, steal, cheat, lie, or anything along those lines. They then proceed to follow their own advice. Why, just the other day I was at a friend’s house when his dad walked through the door. We were playing one of our favorite video games, Fable. Our character in the game was drinking, and we were laughing about it. My friend’s father observed us silently. When our character was killed, my friend would swear under his breath. His father finally heard him, and he stepped up and lectured us.

“Kids, you should never, under any circumstances, curse, drink, or smoke! Why, I believe that those are the most appalling things imaginable that a human can do, besides murder or rape. But once you start down the road of evil, you will never be able to get off. Never. So what might be just ‘harmless’ cursing and virtual drinking today might end up being murder or rape tomorrow! Don’t go down that road!”

My friend and I were stunned. We didn’t know how to reply, but there was none needed. Ever since that fateful day, Jorak the magician abstained from drinking, smoking, and sex, as well as many other “evils”. I think that if not for my friend’s father saying that while I was still young, I would be a juvenile murderer right now.

My friend and I just stared at his father in awe at his commanding speech. His father got kind of nervous under our steady eyes, and so he started to pat over himself and feel in his pockets. He groaned and muttered under his breath, “Damn it, I left my cigarettes at the bar,” and then he hurried out the front door. I laughed to myself as I heard a car start in the driveway. Even though he said it quietly, I believe he let me hear that as a kind of inside joke. I had a good laugh about it, and returned to my game.

So why the youth today have become so corrupted with such role models for parents is a wonder to me. But there are many more anti-reasons for the corruption of youth.

Heh, anti-reasons. Nothing like making up a word that fits your sentences.

Anyways, youth today should not be as bad as they are right now for another reason: schools. Without schools, I believe that there would be total anarchy among the youth today. Er, that is, more total anarchy, anyways. The school system that we have now perfectly trains and equips the youth of today for the real world. It teaches them much-needed skills, like how to dissect a frog and how to perform CPR on a plastic dummy. School also teaches them many good habits that they will need in life, like note-passing and flirting.

But sadly, I am not an attendee of any school. I am, and always have been, a homeschooler. Go ahead, laugh at me and mock me. Have your fun. In the end, I’ll be the one laughing. I think.

Well, maybe not. I hear that public school kids are really smart. Well, at least the ones that play Halo are.

Just a few months ago, my cousin from Dallas visited my family. He laughed at me when I asked him if he thought that homeschoolers were dumber than public school kids. He told me, “Why, Robert, I don’t know how to reply to that. I’ll just put it in a comparison for you.

Say, two guys sit next to each other in a biology class. One is a homeschooler; one is a public-schooler. They both dissect a frog. The homeschooler states, ‘Well, it’s obvious that the brachial nerve cord connects to the craxium, which in turn stimulates the medulla, which resides inside of the jugular…’ et cetera, et cetera. The public-schooler just stares at the frog’s innards and says, ‘He he. Green guts.’ Now which do you think is smarter?”

I replied with another question. “Well, what about the teachers? How do you compare homeschooled kids’ teachers with public-schooled kids’ teachers?”

“Well, you homeschoolers are either taught by your parents or you teach yourself, correct?”

I nodded.

“Then either you are the teacher, in which case the teacher is smart, or your brilliant parents are the teachers, in which case they are doubly smart. So in our imaginary biology class, the homeschooled guy asks the teacher, his parent, ‘Hey Mom, where’s the medulla oblongata?’ ‘In the cranial skull.’ Whereas, with the public-schooler, he and a bunch of his friends gather around the frog, laughing and saying, ‘Green guts.’ So the teacher comes over to them. ‘Hey, what are you kids up to? Don’t you know you’re supposed to be… He he, look! Green guts!’”

I don’t think that I just supported my case for homeschoolers being dumber than public-schoolers. But it must obviously be true if I, a homeschooled kid, just supported my argument with a case for the opposite side.

Well, anyways, youth in general is much more corrupt today than it was. I mean, just ask anyone whose youth was from an earlier time and they will tell you how much better it was back then. I mean, if these people who have seen their youth and now our youth, they must know which is better. Seriously though, ask them and they will tell you about their youth.

However I have noticed a curious thing with older people. If you ask them about the hippie revolution and all the drugs, sex, and violence going on then, they will tell you that they cannot quite remember; that it’s all fuzzy. But if you ask them if the youth back then was better than it is now, they will inform you just how much better it was then. And it isn’t just a small case, but a wide and spread out epidemic. It seems that all older people exhibit this strange use of memory. Very curious indeed… I should look into that for my next essay.

Er, anyways, the juvenile community is very corrupt today, and without good reason. I have already given you many examples of why we should not be this way. Great role model parents, with humorous aside remarks; fun and educating schools, with teachers who will join their students’ fun; and wise older people, with their great memories.

Hmm… On second thought, maybe I wasn’t right about this subject. Maybe, perhaps, the youth are the way they are not because of our own faults, but because of outer influences. But then that would subtract from my final point, that we should accept responsibility as a generation and move forward together… No! I had a good ending paragraph for that! It contained a great line about us “getting off the couch of slothfulness and onto the treadmill of responsibility”.

Oh well. Maybe next time I’ll end my essay with a rousing battle cry for the youth of this generation. I just don’t have the energy today to rewrite this whole essay so that it lines up with my final point.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier: The Should, the Could and the Empty (Film Snob #7)

Now that Captain America has been introduced, brought to our time, and met the Avengers, it’s about time for him to save our own world in a modern fashion. Oh, and there’s a villain named the Winter Soldier.

Chris Evans returns as the illustrious captain as he tries to figure out where he fits into our world. All of his friends are dead, he’s really unable to relate to anyone, and he has growing doubts about the rights and wrongs of his dealings with S.H.I.E.L.D. All of a sudden, someone gets killed, S.H.I.E.L.D. goes through some changes, and a metal-armed mercenary begins to hunt Steve Rogers and his friends down. That is the extent of the story that I can say without spoilers (I already sullied myself with my Noah review this week. ¡No mas!).

The cast for this movie reminds me a lot of The Avengers in that there are a ton of great characters and their respective actors and actresses that have a definitive synergy. Although The Avengers had a lot more laughs and great dialogue (which I attribute to the terrific director Joss Whedon, of Firefly and Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame), Captain America 2 does its best to imitate that style. While some laughs fall flat and some dialogue is just meh (like the stinker also in the trailer: “You’re heavier than you look.” “I had a big breakfast.” Ouch. Awful.), the characters were still able to keep me interested. Although every single “plot twist” can be predicted from an hour away, the script is decent.

My favorite actor in this movie was actually Anthony Mackie, who also did a terrific job in The Hurt Locker. His role as a kind of sidekick to Captain America gets established early on in the movie with a humorous jogging scene, and he brings a sort of normality to the chaos that happens during most of the movie. He personifies the average person dealing with all of these super heroes (as opposed to obscenely-limber Black Widow and obscenely-muscular Captain America), and his reactions often mirror what I would picture myself saying in certain situations. One of my favorite parts of the movie: a bad guy (why label them any differently?) tells him, during a mano-y-mano fisticuffs, that he is way out of his league, he has no idea what kind of power he is up against, blah blah. To which Sam Wilson (character) replies, “Man, shut the hell up,” then throws a punch. We’ve all wanted the hero to say that to monologuing villains. So dumb.

Finally, the action in this movie was exactly what we’ve come to expect from Marvel movies: big booms, awesome personal combat, and ridiculously inaccurate villains. I have to say, the final half of the movie relies a LOT on these visual effects, electing to kind of shove the story to the side in Michael Bay fashion. The first half was far more enjoyable, and actually included a couple of chase scenes that were surprising in a super hero movie. They would not have been amiss in a spy thriller, but they were more interesting to me in this film than the grand finale of destruction.

Some reviews and critics have been praising the movie for its international themes and overall symbolic step forward compared to past super hero movies. I don’t see what others do, however. There is a lot of “the government is taking control for peace but they will actually run a military state” going on here, but this has been done before and more well done. “A” for effort, though, on trying to be the first realistically themed super hero movie since The Dark Knight (I’ll just pretend Dark Knight Rises and Man of Steel don’t exist…). Overall, I enjoyed myself, I was entertained, and I will not remember a single detail of this movie in three years’ time, same as the first Captain America. This was a better film than the first, but it was much less original, even though its message was better. I am reminded why I don’t go see these movies anymore, since I could have not gone and I would be none the worse.

Verdict: If you’re a Marvel fanboy, you COULD see this movie, but if you miss seeing this film, you won’t miss too much besides explosions and Scarlett Johansson’s butt shots.

P.S. – This week has been supersaturated with movie reviews! Gosh.

Revisiting the Movies of the 1930's (Flashback Fridays #5)

The Wizard of Oz (1939)

“I’ll get you my pretty! And your little dog, too! Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeeee!!!!”

And so a legendary witch was born. There was no way that I wouldn’t talk about one of my childhood classics, a tale of magic, adventure, and a little dog name Toto. Although this movie borders on the psychedelically weird (ahead of its time by twenty years), it still continues to entertain kids all the way up till now. Follow me down the yellow brick road, as we exit the old years of black and white silent films and head into color, sound, and music.

Although it cuts out some of my favorite parts of the book (like the poor China doll people), it still covers what we all love: flying monkeys and flying cows. We follow Dorothy as she gets whisked away from rural Kansas into a bizarre world where all she can focus on is how she will get home. She makes some friends along the way and leaves them in better shape, as well as destroying the biggest villain in Oz, but she never really changes. She fits with many female leads of this era, where they create the illusion of progress through movement, but in the end, she’s no different than when she started (besides perhaps losing a few brain cells from that far-out trip!). Nonetheless, I still enjoy the authentic phrases and creatures of this film, like the Tin Man’s poor heart and all the lions-and-tigers-and-bears, oh my!

P.S. - Want to enjoy this classic film? Sorry, no more YouTube clips, but you have the following options from Amazon:

1) Rent digitally for $1.99

2) Buy on Blu-ray for $8.96

3) Buy on DVD for $10.96

4) Buy digitally for $9.99.

The Inheritance Cycle: 451 Kindlings #2

As a young writer, I drew a lot of inspiration from the books that I read. None influenced me more than when I read the very first book of The Inheritance Cycle, titled Eragon. It was filled with danger, dragons, magic, swords, and forbidden romance. It heavily appealed to the twelve-year old Robbie who started reading it. One of the major influences in my continued pursuit of writing was Christopher Paolini, the 15-year old homeschooler who wrote Eragon. His work inspired me, showing me that truly any kid can do something. You can never be too young. His ability to excel as a person who was homeschooled also motivated me to do more and work hard, so that I could have a chance at what he achieved.

But this is a book review, no? So let’s turn back to the books.

Eragon starts off by telling us the story of a young boy who finds a dragon egg while hunting. This egg hatches and a dragon named Saphira comes into the world, forging a psychic link with Eragon (the boy). With the help of an old man named Brom, Eragon must travel across the world of Alagaësia to unite with those who will help him fight against the evil ruler Galbatorix. There once was an order of warriors called Dragon Riders, who had access to powerful magic, but Galbatorix destroyed them all in order to seize power. With Eragon now the only Rider besides him, he immediately sends his minions to hunt Eragon down, including the nightmarish Ra’zac and the deadly Shade (possessed wizard) named Durza.

This might seem like a tremendous amount of vocabulary for those who have never read these books, so I will hold back from any further information. Suffice to say that he falls in love with an elf (young for her race but much older than him) and he goes on an epic journey throughout all four books, but the preceding paragraph is the extent of the story that you will get from me.

What I loved about this series is the enormous canon behind it and its excellent mixture of traditional and original medieval story. Traditional, because there’s dragons, elves, magic, dwarves, et cetera. But it is so original, with its Riders who essentially become mind-melded to their dragons, magic that is fueled by your own strength (which puts a limit on how much power you can wield without dying) and directed by an ancient language that specifically does what you say. I also love the massive world that Paolini has created and fleshed out, which mirrors my own love of creating worlds from when I was a child. The world of Alagaësia is a unique and enchanting place, even amid the ongoing civil war.

But the main reason that I fell in love with these books is because of the characters. There are so many interesting characters with their own individual stories and emotions, including Roran Stronghammer, Nasuada, Orik, Murtagh, Angela, Jeod, Arya, and many, many more. A man who embarks on a long journey to rescue his bride from the chilling Ra’zac, who essentially are humanoid crows who eat people. A woman that must take control of her people while commanding many forces, striving to run a country that once followed her father but shows her little respect. A delightfully eccentric witch who whisps in and out of the story when it suits her tastes. And that’s just three of these amazing characters that could be considered side characters next to Eragon and Saphira’s dynamic relationship and story.

All of this goes to say, if you love Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Reign of Fire, World of Warcraft, Pan's Labyrinth, Harry Potter, Robin Hood, King Arthur or any of the Knights of the Round Table, The Pendragon Cycle, How to Tame Your Dragon (which came after these books, FYI), or anything similar, this is a great book series for you to begin reading. Heck, if you just love good books, great stories, or great character arcs, then this is for you! Don’t judge the book by its movie (gah, I still have nightmares of that awful film they made of the first book…). This will keep you interested, pacing between thrills and wonders as you follow Eragon and his dragon down whatever path that destiny has placed before them.

Best Print Editions

- Eragon: Paperback, Amazon, $6.28

- Eldest: Paperback, Amazon, $9.98

- Brisingr: Paperback, Amazon, $10.98

- Inheritance: Paperback, Amazon, $9.03

- 4-Book Set: Trade Paperback Boxed Set, Amazon, $40.58

Best Electronic Editions

- Eragon: Kindle eBook, Amazon, $5.97

- Eldest: Kindle eBook, Amazon, $7.99

- Brisingr: NOOK Book, Barnes & Noble, $9.99

- Inheritance: Kindle eBook, Amazon, $7.99

- 3-Book Set: Inheritance Cycle Omnibus, Amazon, $19.99

Enemy: The Should, the Could and the Empty (Film Snob #6)

There are some films that love to test your critical thinking. What is happening in this movie? Who is doing what? What the hell is going on?!

Enemy is one of them.

The story opens with Adam Bell, a bored history teacher that finds himself in a rut of life. Teach, have passionless sex with his girlfriend, repeat. He barely lives. But one day, he rents some mindless rom-com based on the recommendation of a coworker. He stays up just long enough to watch it, then goes to bed. One of his dreams show him playing a bellhop inside of the movie. He wakes, and goes to rewatch the film. Sure enough, there he is, playing a background bellhop, or at least someone who looks very much like him. His world begins to fall apart as he spends a good majority of the rest of the film trying to find this person and figure out why they are so identical.

The brilliant director Denis Villeneueve reunites with Jake Gyllenhaal (who combined powerfully in the mystery thriller Prisoners) to give us a truly mind-bending doppelganger film. Everything seems bleak in this bizarre version of Toronto, and we can’t shake the many moments of imagery that involve spiders. I spent a good portion of this 90-minute film trying to figure out what was happening, and likely missed many details. There are so many movies I could compare this to that would give you an idea of what to expect: Memento, The Shining, Inception, Shutter Island. I will say, however, that where Inception gave us plenty of exposition and did its best to describe a bizarre concept to us, then delve into its complexities, Enemy just throws you right into it and explains NOTHING. Do not go into this movie expecting to have it all laid out for you when you exit the theater.

Gyllenhaal turns in yet another astounding performance in Enemy as both Adam and his doppelganger, Anthony Claire. They look completely identical physically, but each has their own mannerisms and small details that set them apart. Adam is mostly nervous and edgy, whereas Anthony is brash and swaggering. Throw in the fact that both of their respective lovers (Adam’s girlfriend, played by the lovely Melanie Laurent of Inglourious Basterds fame, and Anthony’s wife, played by Sarah Gadon) look very alike as well, and Adam and Anthony’s lives become truly intertwined in a bizarre fashion. Gyllenhaal has really come into his own over the last few years, and I eagerly await films with him in the leading role after his award-winning performance as Detective Loki in Prisoners (won one of my awards, anyways).

I will say, however, that this movie gets pretty weird. Imagine if Stanley Kubrick directed an episode of The Twilight Zone. You quickly begin to lose track of what’s real and what’s not, and right at the end when you think you’ve gotten it all figured out, the final scene throws everything that you’ve been watching into chaos. But that’s the beauty of the film and one of its central themes: “Chaos is order yet undeciphered.” As one critic put it succinctly: “I kinda dug it but I have no idea if it’s any good or what happened or where I am anymore and what aiiiiiiiieeeeeeee that last shot!” It’s already been called one of the most shocking endings to a movie, and I cannot wait to go watch it again and see if I can unravel its mystery farther. Critics have been split on whether the movie is to be interpreted literally or as a mental development (a la Shutter Island). This debate is one of the things that makes this movie so memorable for me.

A couple of disclaimers will do nicely right about here. First, there is a large amount of sexual content in this film. We see Adam having sex with his girlfriend, which never goes beyond showing her front, but I’m sure that’s more than enough for some. There are several dreamlike sequences where nudity is involved, namely two scenes with full frontal nudity of a woman. Second, you may have noticed that I avoid talking too much about the actual story besides an initial premise. This is because it has such an enveloping experience and its story is so complex that explaining to you does a major disservice to your own movie experience. That being said, I will definitely post a Flubberghast to analyze this film within the next few weeks, once I see it again, stating what I think the movie is about. So, future warning, don’t read that Flubberghast unless you’ve already seen the movie! Expect this film on my Best Movies list at the end of the year.

Verdict: You SHOULD see this movie as soon as you can, since you will be challenged to figure out its meaning and story. However, if you don’t like your movies in a challenging Hitchcock style, or can’t handle the level of nudity, this movie isn’t for you.

P.S. - Enemy is only playing in the Circle Cinema in Tulsa right now, and there are only two other theaters within 200 miles that are playing it as well (in Missouri and Louisiana). So go view this gem at the classic theater as soon as you can!

Gains and Losses of NFL Teams: This Is a Football #2

With the NFL free agency in the books, there’s only one thing left to do for every Raiders fan: cry.

As usual.

Moving on, we now have a general sense of how the veteran rearrangement has shifted power, or rather, how it hasn’t, and which teams really, really need a good draft this year (I’m looking at you, Oakland). So let’s break down the biggest loss and biggest gain for all 32 teams this year (only one player per category per team): 

Arizona Cardinals

Gain: Jared Veldheer was a phenomenal signing for a team that has had a revolving door at the left tackle position for years. Too bad, Raiders fans.

Loss: Karlos Dansby had a great return year with the Cardinals, and immediately left town to cash in again. I don’t care what head coach Bruce Arians says, that is going to hurt that great defense.

Atlanta Falcons

Gain: Paul Soliai alone adds major muscle to this terrible defensive line, and should help turn around one of the worst run defense in the NFL.

Loss: Pbbt, Asante Samuel? Yeah, really, not much lost here. But is that really a good thing for a team that finished the season 4-12?

Baltimore Ravens

Gain: Steve Smith will provide fire, grit, and a safety blanket to Joe Flacco’s receiving corps, something that was sorely missed last season when Anquan Boldin was traded away.

Loss: James Ihedigbo strikes me as the best player of the many who left the Ravens this year, and he was just a decent safety. I really think they will turn around this year with a solid draft.

Buffalo Bills

Gain: Brandon Spikes at linebacker will really… No, they really didn’t do anything. I feel like this should be just normal to Buffalo fans. Sorry.

Loss: Jairus Byrd has become the greatest safety in the NFL, on par with Earl Thomas. Buffalo’s defense might actually win them some games… Aaaaaand he’s gone.

Carolina Panthers

Gain: Jerricho Cotchery? I mean, he’s a good receiver, but only as a complementary piece. Who’s he here to complement? Tiquan Underwood?

Loss: Just about every receiver on the team. I’m still waiting for the rim shot. This has to be a bad joke. In other news, a new river flowing out of Charlotte has been dubbed Tears of the Newton.

Chicago Bears

Gain: Lamarr Houston should provide just the pass rush that Chicago needed, combined with the plethora of other defensive linemen that they signed (Jared Allen, Israel Idonije, Willie Young).

Loss: Henry Melton has become one of the best defensive tackles in the league, and no large amount of signings will be able to replace his disruption.

Cincinnati Bengals

Gain: Uh, Jason Campbell, I guess. Decent backup quarterback. Whoo hoo.

Loss: Michael Johnson had really become a great defensive end for the Bengals, and nothing tells me that they are ready to deal with his loss.

Cleveland Browns

Gain: Ben Tate will provide a much-needed presence at the running back position for team quarterback (insert here). But hey, losing Brandon Weeden could also be considered a gain.

Loss: T.J. Ward to Donte Whitner? D’Qwell Jackson to Karlos Dansby? Both downgrades and loss of youth. Tsk tsk.

Dallas Cowboys

Gain: Henry Melton will make everyone forget about Jason Hatcher, and immediately makes this defensive line solvent again.

Loss: DeMarcus Ware has been a great player for many years in Big D, and why Jerry Jones let him go, I will never understand. He has fully convinced me of his idiocy.

Denver Broncos

Gain: Jeez, who do you pick?? I guess I’ll choose Aqib Talib, an elite cornerback that proved his mettle in New England last year and should bolster a secondary that has become notorious for giving up the big play.

Loss: I guess Eric Decker, but he was really just a role player anyways. A role that ex-Steeler Emmanuel Sanders should be more than capable of filling. Broncos fans, the world is your oyster.

Detroit Lions

Gain: Golden Tate was a great pickup for a team that has been searching for a complementary receiver to All-Pro Calvin Johnson for years. He should immediately boost Matt Stafford’s numbers (even more).

Loss: Both Willie Young and Israel Idonije, defensive linemen, bolted to the rival Bears. That hurts, even with Ndamokung Suh there to piledrive any opposition.

Green Bay Packers

Gain: Julius Peppers will bring help to a maligned pass rush, which will also have Clay Matthews returning. He may be old, but I think he has some gas left in… No, just forget it. What a freaking cliché.

Loss: Jermichael Finley will be sorely missed at tight end, even with Aaron Rodgers still at quarterback. I expect that he actually shed tears when he received the news.

Houston Texans

Gain: Kendrick Lewis has been a very good defensive back in this league for several years now, and should provide quality play at the safety position.

Loss: Antonio Smith really helped J.J. Watt to perform greatly over the last few years, and the lack of that kind of distraction will hurt the Texans this year.

Indianapolis Colts

Gain: D’Qwell Jackson has been a terrific linebacker for years, and will immediately toughen this defense.

Loss: Any running back not named Trent Richardson, namely Donald Brown, is considered a major loss in my book. I can see the headlines already: Richardson sets NFL record for most carries for one yard!

Jacksonville Jaguars

Gain: Zane Beadles comes from a dominant O-line in Denver to bolster the shoddy blocking of this front (as well as provide room for new running back Toby Gerhart).

Loss: Maurice Jones-Drew may be at the tail end of a magnificent career, but he is a proven veteran, versus Toby Gerhart being a career backup to Adrian Peterson. I don’t see how this isn’t a loss.

Kansas City Chiefs

Gain: Joe Mays is a good middle linebacker who should help alleviate the losses that the Chiefs defense suffered this offseason.

Loss: Brandon Albert. Tyson Jackson. Geoff Schwartz. Dexter McCluster. Ouch. Barring a stellar draft, I see the Chiefs backsliding this year from playoff contention. That’s just too much talent to lose in one year.

Miami Dolphins

Gain: Cortland Finnegan is honestly the best player that I can see that joined the Dolphins. And we all know what a wonderful year he just had in St. Louis.

Loss: Paul Soliai has rightfully gained a reputation as the best nose tackle in the league, and the Fins will be hard-pressed to be able to replace his monstrous presence.

Minnesota Vikings

Gain: Linval Joseph was a great addition from the Giants, and should immediately solidify the center of this defensive line.

Loss: Jared Allen will be heading to the Hall of Fame once he ends his great career, and this pass rush will suffer tremendously from his loss.

New England Patriots

Gain: Darrelle Revis trumps all problems in a secondary. The number one receiver of any opposing team against the Pats can now be considered gone. Revis Island, man.

Loss: I guess Aqib Talib would be considered a loss, but that’s sort of like mourning the loss of your Cadillac when it gets replaced with a Ferrari.

New Orleans Saints

Gain: Jairus Byrd was one of the biggest signings in free agency this year, and will immediately form an unstoppable tandem with Kenny Vaccaro. Rob Ryan must be eating so many Cheetos in celebration.

Loss: Darren Sproles has done amazing for the Saints ever since his signing, and although his touches will be spread out among several running backs, I’m sure that he will be missed.

New York Giants

Gain: Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie will solidify a porous secondary, something that has been need in New York for a long time.

Loss: Justin Tuck, Super Bowl legend, is gone. Osi Umenyiora proved GM Jerry Reese wrong when he performed well for the Falcons, so I think that Reese may end up regretting this defensive end loss as well.

New York Jets

Gain: Mark Sanchez is gone. I mean, yeah, they also signed Michael Vick, but read that again. Mark Sanchez is gone.

Loss: Antonio Cromartie was the Jets’ only legitimate cornerback. I’d say that they’d play a receiver at corner, but they have none of those either (I guess Eric Decker, but  meh). Expect a lot of 9-11 man blitzes from Rex Ryan this year. I honestly think that GM John Idzik is no longer trying to make a good team anymore, and just wants to get Ryan fired ASAP.

Oakland Raiders

Gain: Matt Schaub is much better than I think people give him credit for, and he should be revitalized in new territory. Poor guy has never experienced free agency (he’s only ever been traded).

Loss: Jared Veldheer. Lamarr Houston. These are young players that the Raiders have pretended that they replaced with an influx of fading veterans. Methinks that GM Reggie McKenzie might be on the chopping block very, very soon.

Philadelphia Eagles

Gain: Frickin’ Darren Sproles combined with LeSean McCoy?! That’s just unfair for opposing defenses. I am stoked to see this Chip Kelly offense in action next year!

Loss: DeSean Jackson was a major loss to this offense, even if it could be considered a gain to the locker room. I’ll always miss your highlights, DJax. R.I.P. Miracle at the Meadowlands II.

Pittsburgh Steelers

Gain: Mike Mitchell was a safe pickup at strong safety who should do very well to replace the veteran Ryan Clark. This was a long time coming.

Loss: Emmanuel Sanders will leave a hole a wide receiver, especially with Jerricho Cotchery gone as well, but Lance Moore should help alleviate these losses. That and a couple of rookies.

St. Louis Rams

Gain: Shaun Hill has proven to be a reliable backup quarterback, and should make head coach Jeff Fisher that much more secure behind Sam Bradford.

Loss: Oh no, Cortland Finnegan left. Hmm. Who cares? No one? Alright.

San Diego Chargers

Gain: Kellen Clemens will provide great depth to the quarterback position behind revived starter Philip Rivers. Definitely an upgrade over Charlie Whitehurst.

Loss: I suppose Derek Cox? Not exactly a wonderful cornerback, but hey, a loss is a loss. I guess.

San Francisco 49ers

Gain: Antoine Bethea will be an upgrade over Donte Whitner, both with youth and finances. But their skill set really has no separation.

Loss: Carlos Rogers AND Tarell Brown? Oof, not good news for a steady defense that might very well decline next year.

Seattle Seahawks

Gain:  Uh, they kept Michael Bennett? Seriously, they didn’t sign anyone.

Loss: Chris Clemons. Red Bryant. Golden Tate. Breno Giacomini. Seattle has really been raided by the league this year, and will find a return to the Super Bowl to be very difficult indeed.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Gain: Alterraun Verner set the league on fire last year as a phenomenal cornerback for the Titans and should boost a poor secondary from last season.

Loss: There’s no way Verner will be better than Darrelle Revis, however. That’s just a tough loss.

Tennessee Titans

Gain: Charlie Whitehurst? This year’s crop of signings confuses me. Isn’t the NFL about winning?

Loss: Alterraun Verne. Ryan Fitzpatrick. David Stewart. Three very talented players, all gone. Mike Munchak, I look forward to watching you coach up some other team’s offensive line next season.

Washington Redskins

Gain: Jason Hatcher is honestly their best signing, and I doubt that he will do even close to as good as he did at Dallas. I smell an Albert Haynesworth scenario here.

Loss: Josh Wilson had really become a good cornerback for the ‘Skins, but I doubt that they’ll be missing him anytime soon with the comparable Tracy Porter in town.

So now you know whether your favorite team did amazing (Broncos bandwagoners) or terrible (Raiders diehards) in the free agency, and how you should generally expect them to do. But be warned: the winner of free agency almost never wins the Super Bowl (ahem, Jerry Jones). Only one more long month before the draft, and then we can determine how well each team did overall during this offseason. Until then, good luck everyone, and try your best not to suck!

And to the Carolina, Oakland, Dallas, and Houston fans: I am truly sorry for the season that you are about to endure.