Random Movies in Random Categories (Flubberghast #3)

I am writing this as a large thank-you and apology for my not posting anything for nine days! This is what happens when you go to Iowa City for a weekend to compete in a car competition and the week beforehand is spent working on said car! I don’t have any movie reviews to post today, but instead, let’s take a look at a collection of films that all fit into the best-of-the-rest categories that I wanted to talk lightly about. Ima trying, Ima trying!

Hold onto your hats, this one’s a doozie!

Best Explosive Film

V for Vendetta

I really struggled between this and The Hurt Locker, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget Hugo Weaving laughing maniacally as the Old Bailey explodes with fireworks overhead, with the 1812 Overture playing in the background. One of the most memorable movie moments for me. Combine that with V’s burial-by-fire and Parliament exploding, and we have one explosive film! There’s a couple more as well. Honorable mention here also goes to Matrix Reloaded for the highway scene.

Verdict: Everyone PROBABLY SHOULD watch V for Vendetta for a great story and a fun time as well, even if Natalie Portman is just meh.

Movie That Has Sat the Longest on My Shelf without Being Seen

Dances with Wolves

Seriously. I think I bought it on sale on DVD over a year ago, and I still haven’t watched it. Sometimes, I just really need to be motivated to watch a Kevin Costner film. Plus, the last “great” Native American film that I saw, The Last of the Mohicans, was an overrated snoozer. The early 90’s are not well known for grading their own movies correctly (see Braveheart).

Most Overrated Film

Gone with the Wind

So it glorifies the fall of the South. Okay. So Clark Gable turns in a great performance. Okay. But one character, who the entire movie focuses on, ruined this experience for me. Sorry, Scarlett O’Hara, but I absolutely hate your spoiled-rotten guts. Worst heroine ever, and you can add this to the list of overrated movies with Titanic and Avatar (here’s to James Cameron).

Verdict: An EMPTY movie leaves me disappointed, and this one delivers.

Best Romance

Her

In all honesty, I went back through as many romantic movies as I knew, and I cannot name a single one that affected me like this movie did. Joaquin Pheonix’s performance is so heartfelt, the story so enwrapping, and Scarlett Johansson is so believable as the computer Samantha, that I really had little choice in the matter. Just read my review to see in greater detail how romantic this movie truly is.

Verdict: All couples DEFINITELY SHOULD see this movie that shows us just what relationships are like.

Films That I Want to See Again But Have Been Just Sittin’ There Waiting for Me

To Kill a Mockingbird, Seven Samurai, The Princess Bride, 12 Years a Slave, Prisoners, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy on Blu Ray

Yeah, I have these all in a pile, waiting to be watched again. One of these days, my friends, one of these days.

What’s Been Keeping Me from Watching the Above Films

Titanfall, Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare, Netflix, life, books

Life includes anything associated with not wasting time. I guess blogging should probably be in there too. Huh.

Best Comedy

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

I mean, come on, seriously? How could I ever pass up on the hilarious adventures of King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table as portrayed by the Monty Python crew? I think the most important question here, really, is: what is your favorite color?

Verdict: If you’re looking for a good laugh, you SHOULD rent this film as soon as you can and try to not hurt yourself from laughing.

Best Mind(expletive)ing Film

Memento

Both Fight Club and Apocalypse Now were seriously in the running for this, but I still love the told-backwards story of Memento. This is one of those few films that can put you squarely into the mind of the protagonist and how he has to deal with issues. In this case, short-term memory loss. Just try to figure out the entire film the first time through. I dare you.

Verdict: Christopher Nolan fans SHOULD see this film soon for sure, since it was Nolan’s directorial debut and showcased his immense talent, as well as the writing talent of his brother Jonathan.

Worst Film in Recent Memory

Tie – Norbit and The Grownups

No joke. Both of these were just terrible. Adam Sandler has never been very funny to begin with, but he hit a new low in The Grownups. Even with Kevin James and Chris Rock, this movie produces very few laughs and makes you more annoyed with the large amount of men acting like children, with their sexual desires mixed in. Then Norbit… well, let’s just consider it solid evidence that Eddie Murphy will never be funny again without a digital donkey to voice. Gag me.

Verdict: Both of these movies will leave you EMPTY INSIDE, and in need of an antacid.

Best Marvel Film

Marvel’s The Avengers

One of Joss Whedon’s finest films, Serenity… er, I mean, Marvel’s Serenity!... umm, The Avengers, was entertaining with tons of humor, action, and witty dialogue. Throw in its perfect combination of Captain America 2 and Iron Man 3 (before they made those actual movies), a docile Hulk (don’t care for that bit, but eh), and we have the finest movie that Marvel has ever made. I would have put Best Superhero Film here, but it’d be unfair with the existence of The Dark Knight.

Verdict: This is a PROBABLY SHOULD movie for me, even if others disagree. Mostly entertaining.

Best Plot Twist

The Usual Suspects

We do not speak about Fight Club, so instead we will speak about this movie. One of my favorite crime movies completely blindsided me with its ending. Kevin Spacey turned in an Oscar-winning performance as palsy-ridden con man Verbal Kint and the screenplay won an Oscar as well for its twisting plot.

And that’s all I will say. No ruined surprises here!

Verdict: People looking for a good mystery SHOULD watch this movie soon, and enjoy the excellent cast of Kevin Spacey, Stephen Baldwin, Gabriel Byrne and others!

My Favorite Movie Theater

Cinemark Tulsa

The new AMC Southroads is a moviegoer’s delight, but that sticker price and the hassle of reserving seats makes it less enjoyable. The refillable cup and bucket, however, at the Cinemark make it one of my favorite places to go, since those portions always end up being the perfect amount for my wife and me to share, and at somewhere around half the price. Plus, it’s in a nice area and right next to the highway (making it easier to access from wherever I am). If I had to go with seat comfort, though, I’d still take Riverwalk Movies over both of these theaters.

Best War Film

Apocalypse Now

Not even close. I will say that Saving Private Ryan is the best war movie actionwise, The Hurt Locker is the best modern-day war movie, and The Bridge on the River Kwai rounds out my favorite war films, but Apocalypse Now remains king. Martin Sheen’s acting, Francis Ford Coppola’s directing, and a story based on Heart of Darkness make this one of my favorite movies of all time. Very few films can take you right into the mind and setting of war as this one can. As legendary Marlon Brando states about war, “The horror. The horror.”

Verdict: Everyone over 15 years old DEFINITELY SHOULD see this movie, and enjoy the music, scenery, acting and story. Barely second place on my all-time list.

Best Biopic

Citizen Kane

“Rosebud.”

One word to describe an entire man’s life. Citizen Kane showed us how full and empty a man’s life can be, even when he has almost everything in the world. This two hour gem gives us Charles Foster Kane’s life from beginning to end, and how he rose and fell and sought only to be loved. Powerful, powerful film.

Verdict: You DEFINITELY SHOULD watch this black-and-white classic at your earliest opportunity, and enjoy the story within.

Best Shoot ‘Em Up

The Matrix

Bullets. Slow motion. Dodging. Kansas City going bye-bye.

Everyone knows and loves this sci fi achievement, and there was no competition for this category. Keanu Reeves turns in a career-best performance (not saying much, but hey) and Laurence Fishburne portrays his only good role since being Clean from Apocalypse Now. Albeit dated, this wunderkind still packs a punch and drops the shells like no other.

Verdict: If you haven’t already seen it, do yourself a favor and watch it, because you DEFINITELY SHOULD.

Best Hack N’ Slash

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Although Return of the King also had tons of epic sword-slashing, the greatest battle of the LOTR Trilogy took place at Helm’s Deep. Seven Samurai was a close third to the aforementioned two, but nothing will be able to defeat the pure fury of the Uruk-hai assaulting the small fortress of Rohan. Plus, this one also had the battle of the Wargs. Gotta love Middle Earth.

Verdict: I really have a hard time believing that anyone hasn’t seen this movie already, but if not, you DEFINITELY SHOULD.

Predicting the Most Disappointing Film of 2014

The Amazing Spider-Man 2

Jamie Foxx as Electro? Rhino is now a mechanical beast? A sequel to that mediocre Spider-Man reboot? There are many question marks surrounding this film for me, and although Andrew Garfield is a major upgrade over Tobey Maguire as our friendly neighborhood superhero, I question a lot of the casting in this movie. I have no idea who the kid playing Harry Osborn is, but he seems way too goofy for a role that James Franco truly made his own. Paul Giamatti is too cute to play Rhino. But I still hear so much hype about this film every day. Here’s hoping, but if Captain America 2 is any sign, this will be entertaining at best, but falling well short of any semblance of The Dark Knight’s greatness.

That should do it for now. I fully expect to return to my old schedule this week or the next, depending. That’s what happens at the end of a school semester: tons of homework, projects, and exams! Until then, you all have a great week!

YOU’VE BEEN FLUBBERGHASTED!