With the middle of
March upon us, much of my moviegoing appetite has been starved for months.
Grand Budapest Hotel is being released in Tulsa three weeks after everywhere else, and I have no idea when Enemy will
finally be showing. So, while we wait for any signs of a good movie to be
released, I thought that now would be a good time to review all of the possible
movies that you can see right now in
theaters.
Movies
That I Want to Watch but Haven’t Yet
·
August:
Osage County, Lone Survivor, Mr. Peabody & Sherman, and Philomena.
Movies
That I Will Probably Never Get Around to Seeing
·
The
Book Thief, Endless Love, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, Need For Speed, Non-Stop, Pompeii,
RoboCop, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Son of God, Veronica Mars, and The
Secret Life of Walter Mitty.
Movies
That I Absolutely Refuse To View, Ever
·
300:
Rise of an Empire (3D or not!), 3 Days to Kill, The Monuments Men, The Nut Job,
Ride Along, Tyler Perry’s The Single Moms Club, and Thor: The Dark World.
American
Hustle
Diggin’ the groovy 70’s?
Love seeing about 100 minutes worth of side boob? Then this movie is for you!
Amy Adams struts her stuff about the entire film, always wearing braless,
plunging neckline dresses and shirts, so that we have no doubts that she has
cleavage (and setting off a “new” fashion trend). Beyond that, I will give
major props to Christian Bale for an excellent performance that reminds me of
his role in The Fighter mixed with his American Psycho and a big belly. This
movie takes too long to begin, but it has an interesting story mixed with lots
of humor. That being said, this is an R-rated film, and so expect plenty of sex
and f-words. The ending did surprise me, however, and overall, the cast did
very well, although I do not get the
hubbub about Bradley Cooper.
Verdict: I will
recommend that you PROBABLY SHOULD see this movie, if you’re an adult. Hide yo
kids.
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
As
of right now, the “uncut” edition is in theaters, which I have not seen, so this review may or may not
apply. As for the cut movie, it stayed funny and dealt more with the
degeneration of news media and racism than the sexism that it lampooned
throughout the first Anchorman. Another epic battle ends the movie (with many
awesome cameos), but there were more than few stinkers with the jokes and in
the plot. But overall, another fun comedy from Will Ferrell (which have become less
and less common).
Verdict:
General comedy-lovers COULD watch this movie if they want similar humor to the
first, but don’t expect it to be quite as good.
Dallas Buyers Club
There
is a reason that this movie won three Oscars: terrific acting! With an
incredibly interesting story about the descent of a masculine man in 1980’s
Texas into an outcast AIDS victim, we learn a lot about the FDA, AIDS and its
effects on its victims, and the extremes that homophobia can lead people to.
Matthew McConaughey got my vote for Best Actor, and the Academy agreed with me,
for his portrayal of the aforementioned man, and Jared Leto turns in the
hands-down best performance that I have ever seen of a crossdresser, creating
an incredibly fleshed-out character that you are immediately charmed by. You
can bet that I will be reviewing this movie in my Film Snob blog at some point
this spring.
Verdict:
Anyone that hasn’t watched this movie SHOULD go and see it now, or at least
rent it. Warning, though, expect some nudity and mature elements.
Frozen
This has been the most
disappointing movie of 2013 for me so far. After waiting about 4 months to
finally be able to watch it, I experienced a major letdown (which may have been
my fault, due to waiting so long). The characters are all very typical, with
little backstory or emotional attachment, although I did enjoy Christoph and
his ornery reindeer, Sven, and the hilarious snowman, Olaf. The sister-sister
bond is not very well established, the story dragged so that both my two-year old, JJ, and I both were bored,
and so fidgeted for about 30 minutes (out of a 90 minute movie). The only
saving grace for this film is that the music is wonderful and the graphics are
beautiful, so I guess you can enjoy the art. Oh, and to those who were shocked
about a certain part near the ending, it’s so easy to see coming that it has
almost no effect.
Verdict: I would say
that you COULD see this movie with your kids, but I can’t promise that you will
make it through the middle unscathed.
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
If
nothing else, there was at least a dragon. I mean, really, an awesome dragon! Smaug is the most amazing and
intelligent dragon that I have seen in a movie, and Benedict Cumberpatch fits
the voice role perfectly. He is menacing, he is eye-boggling, and he is clever.
But the rest of the movie falls into the same weaknesses as the first Hobbit:
boring, childish, overly long. Credit to Martin Freeman for his continued
excellent portrayal of Bilbo Baggins, however. I still don’t understand why
they shoehorned Legolas into the movie.
Verdict:
Lord of the Rings fans COULD see this movie, but it will never be as good as
those movies were.
The
Hunger Games: Catching Fire
I’m wondering if I
would enjoy these movies more if I read the books. Hmm. Anyways, Catching Fire
delivers exactly what the first movie gave you. Seriously. Exactly. The entire film up until the end could have been the same
movie, only now there’s a slight twist to the actual Games, and Katniss has to
deal with the trauma from the first movie. There is some interesting action
during the actual games, but the story getting there (literally half of the
movie) drags and does very little
besides establish what we know and set up character traits of new people (only
to completely disregard them once the Games begin). Oh, and that cliffhanger
ending? It would have been more effective if we didn’t have to linger on
Jennifer Lawrence’s best angry/tough face, which looks little more than bowel
discomfort. In the end, I really didn’t care for this movie, although it seems
to get major hype, both commercially and critically.
Verdict: I’ll say that
you COULD see this movie AT A DOLLAR THEATER, unless you have read the books.
Then maybe it will seem better to you.
The
Lego Movie
Yesssss! I waited all
year to see this movie, and it did not
disappoint! Themes of creativity, being your own person, standing up for
yourself, and how sometimes it’s okay to follow the rules can be found
throughout. Will Ferrell is hilarious as President Evil, and Liam Neeson could
not have been cast more perfectly as Good Cop/Bad Cop. The mixture of pure fun
and pop culture references makes me think of a less-adult Shrek 2, or perhaps
like The Incredibles. Needless to say, this has been the best kids movie thus
far this year, and my favorite movie of 2014 as of mid-March (although I expect
that to change). The ending of this film will nearly bring you to tears, and
make you smile as you remember your own childhood while watching this with your
children (if you have them).
Verdict: All families
DEFINITELY SHOULD see this movie, and if you don’t have any kids, you still SHOULD
see it, because you will enjoy yourself regardless.
If
you don’t feel like spending money to go to a theater this weekend, you might
look into spending a dollar or two and rent one of these movies from Redbox:
·
Argo : The Best Picture of
2012 (according to the Oscars) returns to Redbox for a time. If you never had a
chance to watch this thriller, do yourself a favor and rent it. Ben Affleck
does pretty good, but it’s the rest of the cast and the story that make this
movie as awesome as it is. You SHOULD watch this movie if you’re looking for an
intelligent, intriguing, and intense film (whoo, assonance!).
·
Bad Grandpa : First things first,
I have always disliked all things Jackass. But, I gotta say, this was one
hilarious movie. Johnny Knoxville performs wonderfully as an old man through
the magic of makeup, and the story that strings together each set of stunts and
pranks actually does more than that; it creates actual interest in the
characters. You PROBABLY SHOULD watch this movie if you can handle crass humor
and some nudity.
·
Captain Phillips : Tom Hanks does well
and this ride is intense, but it left me wanting and got really boring at
times. You COULD watch this if you like tense standoffs or Tom Hanks.
·
Dallas Buyers Club : See my mini-review
above.
·
Ender’s Game : How well can
Harrison Ford and company adapt the excellent sci-fi novel by Orson Scott Card?
As it turns out, they can do it alright, but make it way too choppy and not
anywhere near as refined. I’d say that you COULD rent this movie if you’ve
never read the book; otherwise, you will be as disappointed as me.
·
Fast & Furious 6 : I am of the opinion
that the Fast and Furious movies have been getting better as time goes on. I
enjoyed Fast Five and I enjoyed this movie, which continues to thrill and
entertain (despite a paper-thin plot). If you’re looking for a non-illegal good
time, you COULD watch this, if you don’t mind suspending your disbelief for a
bit.
·
Nebraska : This heartwarming
tale of an old man convinced that he has won several million dollars follows
him and his estranged son as they trek across the northwestern states. Everyone
PROBABLY SHOULD watch this if they can handle a bit of a slower film.
Hopefully,
this will all help you to navigate the coming weeks of bad movies, so that you
can enjoy yourself just a bit this weekend. Remember, every week that I don’t
have a newly-released movie to review, I will go back to recent good movies, so
be on the lookout for good ideas for rentals in my Film Snob posts on Wednesdays. Adieu!
YOU’VE
BEEN FLUBBERGHASTED!
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