Ginseng for the Soul #12

Hey, Joey, Want To Hear Some More Jokes?

Joey: Man, I had some weird dreams last night.
Dad: Me too! I dreamt that I was a muffler, and I woke up exhausted!
Joey: Funny, Dad. Mine were mostly about failing math.
Dad: Well, that's okay, five quarters of people will admit that they're bad at fractions.
Joey: Dad...
Dad: But remember that sixty percent of statistics are made up.

Nurse: So, what blood type are you?
Dad: Red.
Nurse: Haha, but really, what type are you?
Dad: Comic Sans.
Nurse (frustrated): Sir, please tell me your blood type! Is it O-negative?
Dad: Oh, no, I'm oh-positive that it's still red.
Nurse: *drops clipboard and storms out*
Dad: Hey, you forgot your Etch-A-Sketch!

Dad: Well, would you look at that; FedEx and UPS are merging today.
Joey: Really? That's crazy.
Dad: Yup, from now on, they're going to be Fed-Up.

Dad: Did you hear about the three-legged dog who walked into a bar?
Joey: Gee, I sure haven't.
Dad: Yeah, he said to the bartender, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

Joey: Hey, Dad, I need to get onto Netflix. What's our username and password?
Dad: The username is ForrestGump, and the password is 1forrest1.
Joey: Wow. Is that your best joke?
Dad: Nope, that would be you, son.