Recapping the 2015 NFL Draft: This Is a Football

Well, that was a boring draft.

After the many trades in last year's draft and the incredible amount of intrigue leading up to this one (will Sam Bradford be traded, will the Chargers or Eagles or Browns or your mom trade up to snag Marcus Mariota, etc.), I was thoroughly disappointed by how boring it was. On a positive note, at least the league finally realized that running backs actually kinda matter. Sure, the good ones are a dime a dozen, but the great ones are much harder to find and have a tremendous impact (see Marshawn Lynch, Adrian Peterson). I would briefly summarize each team's draft and grade them, but that would take forever, so instead, let's do it by division (I am not lazy...).



NFC West

RB Todd Gurley (3) making another man miss.

The Rams pulled the biggest "what" of the draft by taking RB Todd Gurley with their No. 10 pick. I don't understand why, with 1000-yarder Zac Stacy and promising Tre Mason in the stable already. The Saints have already proven that having more than two good RBs results in them all being underused, with Mark Ingram only finally doing well when they gave him enough chances. The Seahawks grabbed some offensive and defensive linemen, as well as WR Tyler Lockett in the third round, which makes for a solid if unspectatular draft. But who can question the drafting record of Pete Carroll and John Schneider? The Cardinals got a solid OT in D.J. Humphries, which rounds off their originally terrible offensive line which looks much better with Humphries and Jason Veldheer at the tackle positions. They also got a good RB with David Johnson, but not quite the firepower that horrendous ground game needed. The 49ers got a good DT in Arik Armstead, but otherwise had an unmemorable draft. Everyone said that they needed linebackers with the losses of Patrick Wills and Chris Borland to retirement, but I see NaVorro Bowman, Michael Wilhoite, Desmond Bishop, Aldon Smith, Ahmad Brooks, Aaron Lynch and Philip Wheeler on that roster. I think they're far more capable than people realize, so mark my words: they won't miss a beat if they can stay injury-free.

Verdict: None of these picks blow me away, but the Gurley pick could end up giving St. Louis a dominant running game. Grade: C+



NFC North

Eric Kendricks (6 left) leaping over a blocker to make the sack.

The Vikings got a decent press corner with Trae Waynes, but ILB Eric Kendricks is the man to watch. If he's half the professional athlete that his brother Mychal (go Eagles!) is, he will be a force to be reckoned with and the linebacker the Vikings needed. The Packers focused on upgrading their defensive backs early in the draft, taking cover safety Damarious Randall and ballhawk corner Quinten Rollins, but neither of these possess the talent of, say, Earl Thomas and Richard Sherman. The Bears got one of the best receivers in the draft with Kevin White, who should pair excellently with Alshon Jeffrey (complimented by superb slot man Eddie Royal) to give Jay Cutler more ways to show that he's just not a good quarterback. I also like C Hroniss Grasu and RB Jeremy Langford to help solidify their ground game, especially the void left by Roberto Garza at center. The Lions got a very good OG with Laken Tomlinson, but who's going to help fill the void at defensive tackle that Ndamukong Suh and Nick Fairley left behind? Haloti Ngata and fourth rounder Gabe Wright? Riiiiiiiight.

Verdict: Chicago came away with a lot of quality players at positions of need, while Green Bay and Minnesota upgraded their defenses. Grade: B+



NFC South

Jameis Winston (5) preparing to hit the crab legs dealer.

The Bucs took their man Jameis Winston with the No. 1 pick, but can he actually live up to that reputation? The rest of their draft was meh, so it all rides on Winston at quarterback (I personally think that he's another JaMarcus Russell). The Falcons got a terrific pass rusher with OLB Vic Beasley, then stole CB Jalen Collins in the second round and NT Grady Jarrett in the fifth round. They had quite the haul this year and I expect that defense to improve tremendously with these picks and their head coach, the former Seahawks DC Dan Quinn. The Panthers first three picks were all solid (OLB, WR, OG) but none stand out to me. The Saints pick of OT Andrus Peat would be great if they were a team like the Packers or Steelers with enough talent to stockpile future starters, but here it makes no sense for a Saints team that drastically needs defensive help. With so many other positions of need and a weak following draft, they have not convinced me that they will improve at all this season.

Verdict: Tampa Bay bet it all on Winston, but Atlanta was the only team to truly upgrade their roster with their whole draft. Verdict: C+



NFC East

Randy Gregory (44) getting a sack.

My Iggles bombed tremendously by missing out on QB Mariota, but we got a decent receiver with Nelson Agholor and a great corner in Eric Rowe. I'm skeptical on Agholor, but Rowe was a steal in the second round. The Cowboys filled a need with CB Byron Jones, but their steal of OLB Randy Gregory sticks out to me as a potentially defense-altering pick, especially with the loss of DeMarcus Ware still stinging. OG Ereck Flowers and SS Landon Collins were both great picks for the Giants, filling areas of tremendous need, but did they overreach here a bit? OG Brandon Scherff was also a good pick for the Redskins, but I don't see any other playmakers on that team.

Verdict: Everyone made solid picks, but the second round seemed to be a steal-happy round for Dallas and Philly. Verdict: B



AFC West

Amari Cooper (9) catches a touchdown.

I love what the Chiefs did this year, it just seemed like they nailed every pick. CB Marcus Peters, OG Mitch Morse, WR Chris Conley, CB Steven Nelson and ILB Ramik Wilson all could potentially be starters by the end of the year, and they all filled needs on this team. Andy Reid, can you please come back to Philadelphia now? The Raiders came on strong with their first two picks, taking the best receiver with Amari Cooper and the impressive DT Mario Edwards, Jr., but will they regret passing on DE Leonard Williams? The Chargers' draft is defined by their move to grab Melvin Gordon, one of the best running backs in the draft, which hopefully will fill the void left by former first-rounder Ryan Mathews (the Eagles sure love former Charger RBs). The Broncos pulled the trigger on sliding DE Shane Ray, but it remains to be see if he can handle not going so high (!).

Verdict: Everyone made great first round picks, but Kansas City had the most complete draft in the division. Verdict: A



AFC North

Paul Dawson (47) stuffs a Cowboy running back.

The Steelers got their man in OLB Bud Dupree to help alleviate the pain of Jason Worilds abruptly retiring, then stole WR Sammie Coates in the third round to bolster their young receiving corps. The Ravens snatched speed demon WR Breshad Perriman, followed by another receiver in TE Maxx Williams, but I didn't see any other great picks here. The Browns got a good NT with Danny Shelton, but I don't get their second first-round pick, C Cameron Erving. So you're really going to let Pro-Bowler Alex Mack leave? The Bengals decided to grab two OTs with their first two picks, but I really like their third rounder ILB Paul Dawson. I think he can push that corps to start alongside Vontaze Burfict.

Verdict: Lots of very solid picks in this bunch, but Cleveland confuses me and Pittsburgh continues to get younger. Verdict: B-



AFC South

Dorial Green-Beckham (15) catches a touchdown in front of his man.

The Titans shocked the world by holding onto their pick and taking QB Marcus Mariota, but I like the move (well, not as much as I'd like if he were an Eagle, but anywho). They needed a quarterback and he was the best available (I think more so than Winston), and then they grabbed him a great young receiver with Dorial Green-Beckham (whom some had a first round grade on). I think DGB will end up being the next Dez Bryant. The Colts grabbed a good WR with Phillip Dorsett, but I don't see how he fits into their already crowded receiving corps. They needed defensive help but GM Ryan Grigson gave very little. The Jaguars snagged a terrific pass rusher with Dante Fowler, Jr., but who were the rest of these players they got? Nobodies. I think the Texans missed on their first two picks, but the third round steal of WR Jalen Strong immediately upgraded that offense, who will miss the production of Andre Johnson, no matter how old they think he is.

Verdict: Wide receiver was the name of the game, and everybody upgraded their rosters through this draft. Grade: B+



AFC East

Leonard Williams (94) breaks through the line for another tackle for a loss.

The Jets came away with players that had first-round grades with their first four picks, snatching DE Leonard Williams, WR Devin Smith, OLB Lorenzo Mauldin and QB Bryce Petty. Although Williams was not a position of need, they took the best player available and I think that will pay off down the road. The Patriots' picks were all over the place, so I don't understand anything about what they were thinking, but DT Malcolm Brown and DE Geneo Grissom seem to be good fits at least. The Bills got another corner for some reason, then proceeded to draft no one overly talented. The Dolphins nailed their first two picks with WR DeVante Parker and NT Jordan Phillips, and continued to make good picks for the rest of the draft. They needed receiver help, and Phillips bolsters a defensive line that needed another big man.

Verdict: Defensive linemen were plentiful in this division's draft, and New York and Miami both upgraded their lacking receiving corps. Grade: B




Here's hoping for an interesting summer of football camps followed by an awesome season! Chip Kelly, I pray you know what you're doing to my team...

Ginseng for the Soul #7

The little girl eyes her mother warily. What’s that leech? They place it in her lap. She looks into his blue eyes. Brother! c) RDB #twiss

— Robert D Beltran (@Pathos103) April 21, 2013

Words of Advice to Those Without Children

• Stop saying that you slept like a baby. You obviously don't know what a baby sleeps like (waking up every two hours and crying a lot).
  
• Having a child does not end your life or your career. You will now have to learn how to balance career, parenthood, and social life, but it is only as difficult as you make it.
  
• As much as you may think you know how to take care of a baby from helping with your younger siblings, you don't.
  
• You once screamed and cried and pooped your pants and threw tantrums too. Unless you were born 20 years old and fully developed, some stranger had to listen to and be annoyed by you.
  
• You will never be ready for a child, so don't use that as an excuse to put off having children. The truth is, you don't want a child yet, so be honest about it (we won't judge).
  
• No, getting pregnant is not a recommended way to keep your boyfriend from leaving you (and knocking up your girlfriend is not a good way to keep her from leaving either).
  
• Please stop saying smooth as a baby's bottom. It's just downright creepy!

The Avengers: Age of Ultron: The Should, the Could and the Empty

Where to begin.

How about the fact that Marvel now has so many characters and players in their cinematic universe, I can't be bothered to keep track of them anymore? No one dies (permanently), no one retires (permanently), and everyone somehow still works together. After all of the hubbub I heard about how The Avengers: Age of Ultron was supposed to be darker and more serious, I was wholly disappointed to see that this was not the case.

The Hulk still has control over himself (which still makes zero sense to me or anyone who knows the comic books' Hulk), people still keep trusting Tony Stark despite his consistent failings, and Steve Rogers is still super Golly-gee. I will say, however, that I enjoyed the backstory of Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, as well as a more featured role for Hawkeye (which I'm curious why he has not appeared in films outside of The Avengers). Black Widow was also given more character, and overall I thought that the film worked great when those four were involved.

Alas, it was not meant to last. The reasoning behind Stark's creation of Ultron made little to no sense, then Ultron's maniacal rampage for the rest of the movie made less sense, then finally Vision's pureness of heart was never explained or justified. Thor is still the Legolas of Marvel: the pretty boy in the background with very little character beyond ale and muscles. And while I will not spoil who here, there is one death in this film (as in the first Avengers) that is fairly inconsequential and meaningless. In other words, nobody cares.

But back to the villain, Ultron. In the words of the late and great Roger Ebert:

"Each film is only as good as its villain. Since the heroes and the gimmicks tend to repeat from film to film, only a great villain can transform a good try into a triumph."

And with the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the heroes and gimmicks repeat many, many times. For me, the first Avengers movie's failing was that its villain was so weak. I really never felt any fear of him or what he would do, since he was little more than a fit-throwing brat being used as a puppet. With Ultron, the first AI in the MCU and being voiced by James Spader (who was excellent), I fully expected a meaner, scarier villain. Instead, what I got was a film that could not decide whether Ultron was Marvel's equivalent of the Joker, or just a robotic Loki. He often seems silly and non-menacing (like Loki), says "Oops," when he tears someone's arm off, and finally decides that the only way to save the human race is to kill it.

What?

This reason for global extinction is so incredibly slim, you could thread it through a needle. So much of this film is forced to work together so that it can set up Avengers 3 and Captain America: Civil War. This results in a general disinterest in the story, sort of like I experience when I saw Guardians of the Galaxy (loved the film, but definitely felt like it was just an origin story and the villain was throwaway). After Captain America: The Winter Soldier's fight sequences, I'd hoped that the MCU would feature more original fighting, but this was not meant to be. If you want great Marvel fight sequences, be sure to check out when I review Netflix's Daredevil within the next two weeks.

But of course, we all come to Marvel films to see godlike heroes fight awesome, CGI-powered battles with enormous set pieces and a flood of villains. This is where I was also disappointed: the visual effects. In the opening sequence alone, there were many shots where I thought to myself, "This looks like Neo fighting all those Agent Smiths in The Matrix Reloaded." Even the final sequence feature an overuse of strong lights and loud sound to drown out the fact that it did not look good at all. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give the graphics a solid Meh.

In the end, the fights were okay, the side character development was great, but the majority of the plot was thin enough to play rubber band guitar with. Themes of artificial intelligence and humanity as a virus on earth have done before and far better (see the excellent Ex Machina, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Kingsman: The Secret Service, Watchmen, etc.). Speaking of Watchmen, was I the only person who thought this movie was strongly influenced by it, especially with Vision and Ultron essentially mirroring two sides of Dr. Manhattan? No, just me? Okay.


Verdict: Although I'm sure that Marvel fans loved it, I can only say that you COULD see this if you have time to kill and a Michael Bay-like explosion fetish. Or just for the sake of keeping up with the MCU.

I Refuse to Serve or Be Near Tan People

I have decided that I will no longer service or live around tan people.

This is really a simple choice for me. As part of my religion, it is my duty to shun tan people and spread the word of the evils of becoming tan. It is the natural order of things that human beings have a permanent skin tone, which is either white, black or brown. The Bible does not deal with the world in shades of grey, and so I will not deal with skin color in shades of tan.

If you think I'm crazy by now, just wait. I have Scriptural proof that getting a tan is a sin and "being naturally tan" is a falsehood. Being tan is a sin as described in Jeremiah 4:30 (ESV throughout): "And you, O desolate one, what do you mean that you dress in scarlet, that you adorn yourself with ornaments of gold, that you enlarge your eyes with paint? In vain you beautify yourself. Your lovers despise you; they seek your life." That very first line about dressing in scarlet can be translated as dressing your natural skin in scarlet, which comes from sunburns, a natural side effect of tanning. If we dress our skin in scarlet, we are vainly beautifying ourselves, and those around us will spurn us and seek to use us. God did not mean for us to change our outward appearances; He sees what is on the inside and sees the selfish desires that tan people possess.

Tanness is not a natural thing. We are born with our skin tones, and to change that is to desecrate our bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 states: "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, and so we must take care of it and keep it holy in order to glorify God. By tanning our skin, we are choosing to defile the temple of the Holy Spirit, and so rejecting our own faith.

I want to take this opportunity now to make a concrete statement: tanness is a CHOICE. No one is born naturally tan; this is a falsehood that has been created to explain away tan people's skin color. At one point, they were white and chose to become tan. Now, Middle Easterners and Africans are the exceptions to this rule because they have true colors in their skin, not merely white having been altered. However, tan people are an affront to our religion, way of life, and our children. What am I supposed to say to my children when they see two tan people walking down the street in broad daylight? When they ask why those people are tan, how do I explain that they have chosen to be, despite the Bible explicitly stating that to do so is WRONG? Or when tan people are raising children, corrupting their innocent minds at such a young age? It makes me sick to even think about. I don't understand why they can't least wear long sleeves at all times to hide the fact that they are tan. They should at least try to look and act like normal-toned people. Psalms 39:6 says: "Surely a man goes about as a shadow! Surely for nothing they are in turmoil; man heaps up wealth  and does not know who will gather!" These men who go about as shadows; this is surely a reference to those who must hide from the light, which reveals their transgressions and discoloration. They must know that what they do is wrong; otherwise, why would they hide?

Therefore, it is my duty to my beliefs to refuse service to those with a tan. The First Amendment gives me the right to free speech against these tanholes and their disgusting natures, so I have the right to refuse them service. If I owned a newspaper, I would refuse to report their marriages or post their ads in it, as is my right, and if they sued me over it, I would fully expect the Constitution to protect my discrimination under my religious freedom. If I sold sunblock, which even tan people need, I would refuse to sell it to them at a beach even if I was selling it to other people who were not tan. At least those people are trying not to be tanned; a tan person buying sunblock is just a mockery of what sunblock was created for and so should be discouraged. I recently heard of a cake shop that held my beliefs as well, and when they refused service to a tan couple who were getting married, I was glad that their refusal of service to the tanholes was celebrated. When the couple won a lawsuit against the shop, I wanted to riot. I wanted to protest at a tan soldier's funeral for their insubordination of my beliefs. But despite my anger, I still love them and want to help them realize that they are wrong so that they can come back to Christ and be holy again.

I have read in the news how they claim to be discriminated against, how they are persecuted, and how they feel like their rights are often being revoked. This is silly; the laws nowadays are so lenient towards tan people that it's ridiculous. We're practically encouraged to either become tan or accept tan people as equals. But the Bible says in Romans 12:1: "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." We are to present our bodies to God as a holy and acceptable sacrifice; how are we to do that while we shame ourselves by becoming tan?

Even without Scripture, is not the unnaturalness of their skin tone enough to prove that it's inherently wrong? Tan people have only just become known to the world within the last 50 years, having sneaked around in the darkness for centuries and hiding (and rightfully so). Why do we have to acknowledge them now just because they ask to be? I say get rid of those disgusting people and let us return to glorifying God with our holy bodies.

Jesus died for our sins so that we could all have a way into heaven, but how can someone get into heaven if they are disgracing their bodies to God in such an obvious way? Some states allow this, but I believe that such people should not be allowed to marry. Their love cannot be a real love if they are both tan, their rights to marriage cannot be given if they still revel in each other's darkened skin tones. It makes me sick just to think of them committing adultery together, heathens given over to pleasure with no thought of what true love is and spreading venereal diseases amongst themselves.

Some think that they were born tan, but that is completely wrong, as the Bible has shown time and time again. Please join me in renouncing the tan movement and returning our country to the morality that we used to have so long ago, like in the 1920's. Those were the days when the Bible was respected and everyone was treated equally. We need to stand strong against the tan people, and remember that God only loves the naturally toned. Together, my fellow Christians and I can help to reform the tan people and once again have a united country under God, with liberty and justice for all.

Join me on Twitter, Facebook, and wherever you are to raise awareness of this epidemic issue that is troubling our nation. Use #NoMoreTanPeople to show your support, and remember to boycott any businesses that serve tan people, especially horrendous tanning salons.

Re-Trey-Set

When my house was broken into last year and my laptop was stolen, it felt like I had lost everything. All of my writing, all of my work, everything. Luckily, some had been backed up to an external drive, and so I kept some of my writings from my childhood, high school, and a couple of classes at TU. But I lost everything I had been working on, including a story about the life of a tree and a story that I'd even submitted for publication about a boy in Antarctica. To say this was demotivating would be grossly understating how I felt. And thus, I have only posted here 4 times since that day, and have stopped writing almost completely.

This semester, I took an extra class that I didn't need for any credits, but because it had been highly recommended to me by several professors. The class was Russian European Cinema (I know, very film-snobbish of me), and the teacher was Yevgeny Yevtushenko. For those who do not know who him, he is considered one of the greatest poets of the 20th century, if not THE best Russian poet during his time (don't believe me? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yevgeny_Yevtushenko). He introduced us to essentially most of his favorite films, typically dealing with a post-WWII world (which he was born into). We had to write short film reports about some aspect of the film and how it affected us and turn those in the next week.

He read three of my reports in front of the class, and also complimented me on my writing nearly every time that I saw him. In his own words, "You have a gift for knowing how to say something in the most beautiful ways." At the end of the semester, I gave him several of my previous works (which I will post on here in due time) and asked for my email address.

Now I am excited, rearing to go, desiring to write more than I have in years. Losing many contest entries, still being unpublished and losing my laptop crushed my spirit, but now I am ready to churn out the words and move forwards from my creative slump. The only question is, are you willing to read what I have to say? That I can never truly know, but honestly, I don't care. I want to write, and now with my school career finally wrapping up and my professional career in limbo, I'll take advantage of the down time between applications and interviews to write, write some more, and hopefully blow everyone away. In the eternal words of a fellow Robert, "I am ready!"



What this means for the blog is a miniature reset of sorts. I will generally be keeping the same format, but I have a couple of new monthly series that I want to do as well, so my blogging schedule is as follows:


Monday:
Ginseng for the Soul returns with a weekly dose of poetry and humor to get you ready to go for the week. You know you need it (I know I do).


Tuesday:
On the FIRST Tuesday of the month, This Is a Football will be covering what happened the month before or looking ahead to what the next month will bring in the world of football (usually NFL, but hey, isn't soccer called football technically?).

On the THIRD Tuesday of the month, 451 Kindlings will fire up your week with a review of either a new book that I think you should read, or a reminiscing of the great books I have read before.


Wednesday:
On the SECOND Wednesday of the month, I will be reviewing TV shows (mainly those available on Netflix and Amazon Prime) in a new series called Burning Binges. Be ready to learn about new shows to binge on!

On the FOURTH Wednesday of the month, video games will be played and reported on by yours truly in another new series titled No Pain, No Game. I've been debating making this a video series in the future, so be on the lookout for that (or comment and let me know which you'd prefer!)


Thursday:
I have moved an old series here (Flashback Fridays) and rebranded it Throwback Thursdays, since that's what all the cool kids seem to be saying nowadays. So here I will review old films initially as a much-delayed continuation of Revisiting the Movies, but within the next few months I will be interrupting this series (yet again) to post about my Top 50 Films of All Time. I would start this now, but I've got a dozen or so films that I want to see first before I post these again for the first time in 3 years.


Friday:
Yes, it's back, my most-popular series, The Should, the Could and the Empty! I will post movie reviews here (by hopefully seeing them the night before on Thursday so that you know what to see) and let you know what should and should NOT be seen.


Saturday:
Here is MY favorite series, The Writer Within, where on the FIRST Saturday of every month, I will post one of my short stories or essays for you to read and enjoy! I hope.


Sunday:
Finally, the reliable Retrospections will appear hear to remind you of what writing you may have missed, providing links so that you can right those wrongs.


And as always, I reserve the right to post Flubberghasts, or random posts about random things, including opinions or short lists. In addition, there will occasionally be more than one The Should, the Could and the Empty in one week, so I will post the extra one whenever it pleaseth me. That's the lowdown on my blog reset, and I look forward to writing for you all in the coming days! Until then, read through some of my old stuff and enjoy!

The Best Movies of 2014

We still have two weeks until the Oscars announce their awards, but I cannot wait any longer to reveal my favorite films from 2014! Similar to last year, this list features my personal selections for each of the major categories in the Oscars while simultaneously compiling a ranked list of my top movies. A TL;DR is posted at the bottom of this blog, as before, for those who just want to see the rankings!

Disclaimers: I did not see every movie that was released over the course of the year, and I did not enjoy every movie that was beloved by audiences or critics. Therefore, this list is limited to what I have seen and enjoyed, so I will once again list the movies that I saw and disliked, as well as the best ones that I have yet to see (or never will). HOWEVER, this year I actually saw a lot of foreign films and documentaries (!), so those categories, as well as Best Animated Film, will be represented this year, unlike my previous years. As an added bonus, I've also decided to predict/pick the winners of each Oscar category that I match in some way. Without further ado, let us begin!


Movies That Were Viewed, Weighed, Measured, and Found Wanting

American Sniper (highly overrated...)
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Foxcatcher
Gone Girl (executed very well by Fincher, but tremendously misogynistic story)
The Grand Budapest Hotel (this year's American Hustle: enjoyable but definitely not great)
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (forgettable and filled with plot holes)
Inherent Vice
The Theory of Everything (absolutely nothing memorable about it)
Wild


Movies That JUST Missed the Cut

22 Jump Street
A Most Violent Year
Big Hero 6
Blue Ruin
Chef
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
The Drop
Force Majeure
Nightcrawler (Jake Gyllenhaal was phenomenal and worthy of an Oscar nomination)
John Wick
Top Five
Snowpiercer
X-Men: Days of Future Past


Movies That Eluded My Grasp

The Book of Life
The Boxtrolls
The Fault in Our Stars
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1
Into the Woods
The Judge
Maleficent
Mr. Turner
Still Alice (Julianne Moore looks like she did great...)
Unbroken


I now present the Best Movies of 2014 according to Robert, as well as who I think should win each Oscar.





Oscar Categories That I Do Not Cover But Will Predict the Winners for Anyways

Costume Design - The Grand Budapest Hotel
Short Subject Documentary - No idea
Film Editing - Whiplash
Makeup and Hairstyling - The Grand Budapest Hotel
Production Design - The Grand Budapest Hotel
Animated Short Film - Feast
Live Action Short Film - Not a clue








Best Cinematic Song: Come and Get Your Love (Marvel: Guardians of the Galaxy)

What is the best way to introduce a brand new sci fi / adventure / Marvel hero? First, give him a sad background story (and don't show any titles!). Then follow it up with one of the best scenes of the year by having him sing Redbone while abusing many CGI lizards. Although this is not technically an original song (hence the altered award title), it was used so perfectly in a movie filled with great 70's and 80's pop hits that I couldn't resist. In regards to the film, I can easily say that Guardians of the Galaxy was Marvel's best since The Avengers, and I loved the characters and contagious fun it gave us. Who cares if the Oscars didn't nominate it?

My favorite original song was easily Coward from Interstellar (composed by Hans Zimmer and featured during the Dr. Mann incident), but Glory (Selma) and Everything Is Awesome (The Lego Movie) are definitely worthy of mentions here as well.

OSCAR PREDICTION: Glory (Selma)




Best Screenplay: The Imitation Game

As an engineer, I love whenever a film shows me the origins and reasons behind an invention. This movie details the journey that eccentric and antisocial Alan Turing took in order to create the very first digital computer, or Turing machine. His work allowed the British to crack Nazi Germany's "unbreakable code" and save countless lives. However, beyond just the historical value of the story, this movie delves deep into complicated issues that still plague us today, such as perception of homosexuality, perceived inferiority of women, political and military ethics, as well as the poor way that we tend to treat those who either act, think, or look different than us. Keira Knightley and Benedict Cumberbatch very much deserve their Oscar nominations (arguably the best performances in both of their careers), and combined with the terrific script, this is the best biopic since 2010 when we were blessed with The King's Speech and The Social Network. This should still be playing in a theater near you if you have not yet had the pleasure of viewing it.

Birdman (with excellent dialogue and an intricate plot) and Boyhood (spanning 12 years and perfectly depicting growing up in the 2000's) both came as very, very close seconds, but the perfect delivery of this screenplay trumped them both. Nightcrawler, Whiplash, and Snowpiercer all deserve honorable mentions as well.

OSCAR PREDICTION: Adapted Screenplay - The Imitation Game
OSCAR PREDICTION: Original Screenplay - Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)




Best Foreign Film: The Raid 2: Berandal

How do you follow up an amazing, albeit plot-light action movie? You combine more action with a story that rivals The Departed in complexity. With martial arts action that could arguably be the best since the days of Bruce Lee (yes, even better than The Matrix), and creative choreography and direction from writer/director Gareth Evans, this indie from Indonesia exploded off the screen and wowed me from the very beginning. The story follows Uco, an undercover cop who must take down the large organized crime syndicates in a city, and while also providing pulse-throbbing violence, it still focuses on Uco as he deals with separation from his family, living in constant danger, and a lust for the vengeance of his brother's murder. I have yet to see this movie and not love every moment of it, including the best car chase of the last 5 years. If you have not yet seen this, rent it soon, despite this being my second pick that was not nominated for an Oscar.

Enemy, a Canadian psycho thriller from Denis Villeneuve and featuring Jake Gyllenhaal, very nearly stole this award, but Gareth Evans' masterpiece won out (and I eagerly await the final entry in this trilogy). The Babadook (Australian horror) and Force Majeure (Swedish family drama) both were great entries in this category as well.

OSCAR PREDICTION: Throw a dart, I saw a lot of foreign films but apparently not enough (I didn't see any of the nominees)




Best Supporting Actress: Patricia Arquette (Boyhood)

For all of those who remember Arquette from her role in True Romance, no, she does not say "You're so cool." Rather, she turns in a tremendous role that should define her career from now on. As she drags her two children around Texas, she has to deal with being a single mother, several alcoholic husbands, and raising her children in the best way that she can so that they will be great people. The juxtaposition of her vulnerability and internal strength shows throughout the film, which follows the entire cast and their characters as they both age during the movie's filming period of over 12 years. The way that she changes and deals with her life as the blows come really captures the reality and commonness of single motherhood nowadays, as well as the desire of every single person to find their soulmate while remaining independent, no matter how many misses we make with our choices of that soulmate. Compounded with a very emotional scene depicting her realization of how empty her life has become since she has reached all of the typical life goals, Arquette deserves this award completely. Take advantage of the many Best Picture-nominees theater runs right now and go see this if you have not already.

Keira Knightley (The Imitation Game) and Emma Stone (Birdman) both did extremely great in their respective roles as well, but none showed the genuineness or commitment that Arquette has.

OSCAR PREDICTION: Patricia Arquette (Boyhood)




 Best Visual Effects: Interstellar





















How do you make a great space film? As evidenced by 2001: A Space Odyssey, Star Wars, and (most recently) Gravity, it all begins with the visual effects. By that reasoning, Interstellar is truly one of the greatest space films of our era. By taking what Gravity did in realistically portraying the space beyond our atmosphere and extrapolating it beyond our current knowledge, Interstellar dazzles with its presentation of mile-high waves, wormholes, planets, and black holes. Working closely with Kip Thorne (the leading theoretical physicist in black hole theory), and pulling from the works of Stephen Hawking as well, Christopher Nolan poured funding into simulating the black hole shown in the movie, and in the process discovered that its true nature is much different than what we previously had envisioned, resulting in a scientific breakthrough. When a film not only impresses with its visuals but makes advances for the scientific community, it deserves to be recognized as the best visual effects of 2014. It's still in theaters in most areas, and is 100% a rewarding theater experience. But if not, just wait until it rolls through the rental phase.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes was going to run away with this award until Interstellar was released, especially because of its detailed apes and realistic expressions and faces, but science trumps all in this case.

OSCAR PREDICTION: Interstellar




Best Ensemble Cast: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)



















In a film that's about plays, dialogue, and human interaction, not only is a strong screenplay needed, but a talented cast is tremendously important in its production, especially given the very long cuts. Birdman features this exact quality, hiring the likes of Michael Keaton (the confused and egotistical actor trying to create a play that shows he can act), Zach Galifianakis (in a great supporting role as Keaton's best friend and agent), Emma Stone (Keaton's rehabbed and abandoned daughter), and Edward Norton (an extreme method actor who irks Keaton often). I cannot overstate how well acted this movie was, especially considering that it was all edited together to look like one long shot, relying on the talent of its actors to stay in character and on point throughout what I imagine were very grueling takes. If you didn't get a chance to see this during its initial run in November, go see it now while its on that surprisingly widespread Best Picture-nominee rerun.

The aging and dedicated cast of Boyhood came excruciatingly close to winning this, but the perfect execution of Birdman's cast triumphed. Selma also deserves mention here for its plethora of supporting characters who were all brought to vivid life with great character roles.




Best Documentary: CitizenFour














Most people think of documentaries as either boring or overly informational, relying heavily on the impact of its nonfiction aspect to affect its audience. CitizenFour, however, is the exact opposite of boring, playing out like a real-life thriller that will keep you on the edge of your seat. It follows Edward Snowden, a whisteblower who worked in the NSA and decided that the public should know how many of their rights were being trampled upon in the name of "security". He details the many things that they do, including monitoring every contact (texting, calling, IMing, etc.) that goes between anyone and where credit cards are used for every single person in the U.S. and the world. The bravery of Snowden and the shock of the actions by our government are enough to give anyone chills, and combined with a soundtrack that relies heavily on compositions by Trent Reznor (The Social Network, Gone Girl), this intense documentary both thrilled me and opened my eyes to the human rights war that is still being waged for our privacy (or lack thereof).

Life Itself (which follows the final days of film critic Roger Ebert) and The Overnighters (a modern nonfictional version of The Grapes of Wrath set in the oil-booming region of North Dakota) both were excellent documentaries that truly make you think hard about your life, but CitizenFour's power cannot be shaken.

OSCAR PREDICTION: CitizenFour




Best Sound Effects: The Babadook
















"If it's in a word, or it's in a look, you can't get rid of the Babadook."

One of the most chilling lines of the year, establishing the presence of a monster within a small Australian family's house. As a mother and her child both deal with grief over the death of a loved one, a monstrous entity begins to haunt them, driving both to desperate measures and long nights of insomnia. The subtle knocks, the insect-like crawling, and the terrifying cry of "Ba-ba-dooook!" all combine to create an intense and creepy atmosphere that never rests until the credits roll. Writer/director Jennifer Kent does an amazing job in her first film, dealing with very strong themes as well as scaring us without the easy jumpscares or disgusting gore. In a very Tarantino fashion, she also throws many references to classic horror films throughout, which add an extra layer of pleasure to a dedicated horror fan. If you missed its VERY short theatrical run, just jump on Amazon or a similar VOD website and rent it now (or late at night with all of the lights off!). My theory on the Oscars' snub of this film is that it was independent, and therefore "unworthy".

Fury had great war sound effects (similar to Saving Private Ryan) and Dawn of the Planet of the Apes did well throughout with its ape cries and speech, but neither were anywhere near as effective as The Babadook.

OSCAR PREDICTION: Sound Editing - American Sniper
OSCAR PREDICTION: Sound Mixing - Whiplash




Best Supporting Actor: J.K. Simmons (Whiplash)



















For those of us who remember the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man trilogy, you will recognize Jonah Jameson, the tough editor of the Daily Bugle. However, Simmons takes a tremendous step forward in Whiplash, turning in one of the greatest characters of the century with the vicious Terence Fletcher, a jazz studio band director at a prestigious music school in New York. He screams at his students and does everything short of striking them (though he flings a cymbal at on) while verbally destroying each of them, pushing them to become great musicians. We find out that he even drove a former student into a deep, suicidal depression. The sheer energy that Simmons brings to his role and the scary realism of Fletcher as a band director make him one of the greatest villains of the century as well. Although his character's methods are certainly in question (Simmons has often been compared to R. Lee Ermey, who played Sgt. Hartman in Full Metal Jacket), his results are undeniable. Many people missed this one back in November, so right that wrong and see it as soon as possible during its Oscar-nominee rerun!

Gary Poulter (a morally decrepit father in Joe), Ethan Hawke (an estranged but committed father in Boyhood), Edward Norton (Birdman), and Steve Carrell (a disturbed and eccentric millionaire in Foxcatcher) all turned in Oscar worthy performances as well, but Simmons' legendary screen presence in Whiplash will not be defeated.

OSCAR PREDICTION: J.K. Simmons (Whiplash)




Best Cinematography: Enemy















New nominee number four! And what a doozy it is, with a tremendous performance by Jake Gyllenhaal as not one, but two main characters. When a obscure professor discovers that he has a doppelganger in Toronto, he cannot rest until he figures out why this other person exists, and who he is. Filled with imagery of spiders, women, and a bleak Canadian city, and filled with dread (ambience created by both music and skillful director Denis Villeneuve), the cinematography keeps your mind constantly engaged, much like a Hitchcockian thriller. One of my favorite scenes shows Gyllenhaal driving through the city while wires weave overhead, showing a web engulfing the city and his own darkening mind. This clever and intricate film kept me guessing throughout the entire film, and then smashed all of my predictions to pieces with its final, horrifying shot. There is really nothing more to say than to rent Enemy as soon as possible and enjoy a terrific movie.

The choreography and amazing camerawork in The Raid 2: Berandal held this spot for a long time, but lost to this visually puzzling and detailed look into the mind of a man. Gone Girl, Birdman, and Snowpiercer also get honorable mentions here for excellent cinematography as well.

OSCAR PREDICTION: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)




Best One-Hit Wonder Performance: Gary Poulter (Joe)
















What is the greatest enemy to any child coming of age? The answer is complex, but the movie Joe seeks to answer it in the form of an alcoholic and homeless father, as portrayed by Gary Poulter. He gives us a man that we all despise, and plays it so well that RogerEbert.com has called him "one of the great one-shot performance in the history of the cinema." In showing us this man who beats his children, refuses to work for a living or take care of his family, and even steals from his working son, director David Gordon Green is able to explain very carefully why these domestic abuse situations continue to exist and flourish. Small moments like Poulter's character teaching his son to "break dance" show how his children both hate him and love him at the same time, but how far can one be pushed before they finally uproot their parents? On a side note, this was also probably the best Nicholas Cage performance I have ever seen, and worthy of viewing just for that. In the end, Poulter was a real-life alcoholic who was found dead a year before the movie was even released, so he truly was the character that he portrayed and was wholly effective. Rent this indie gem if you have not yet been able to do so.




Best Animated Film: The Lego Movie

I think it's safe to say that after writing and directing Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, 21 and 22 Jump Street, and now the amazing Lego Movie, Phil Lord and Christopher Miller have established themselves as masters of cinematic fun and pop culture. I want to personally nominate them for the next eccentric superhero film (a la Guardians of the Galaxy), because they would be perfect. "Everything is awesome" in this film, a fun-filled adventure of creativity and humor. With everything from satire of consumer culture, celebration of childhoods raised with Legos, and the importance of bonding with your children, there's no way that you cannot enjoy it. With a villain who wants everything to be perfect and controlled and a hero who's really just a boring guy who becomes unique (voiced by the illustrious Chris Pratt), I personally guarantee that you will enjoy every minute of it. Although I doubt you haven't seen this, rent it if that's the case! As for the Oscars snubbing it, funk them.

Big Hero 6 was also incredibly fun and inventive, but not as original as The Lego Movie. A quick shoutout to Hayao Miyazaki's The Wind Rises is also deserved for another beautiful animated film.

OSCAR PREDICTION: Big Hero 6




Best Leading Actress: Essie Davis (The Babadook)




















As I already mentioned, The Babadook turns up the intensity and immediately begins messing with your mind. But no mind is more confused than Essie Davis' single mother, struggling to raise a very troubled son while simultaneously resenting his very existence. When he hugs her, she pushes him away, yelling, "Don't do that!" She constantly gazes at any couple, longing for companionship and to be free of her perceived burden. These are just several of the many complex issues that The Babadook tackles, and it could not have been done with Davis' jarring performance that will horrify you, sadden you, sicken you, and finally fill you with warmth. She goes through such a range of emotions while maintaining a constant cloud of depression in her character that never seems to quite leave her, appearing disheveled and sleep-deprived constantly. Although other factors may lead to the intensity and scariness of The Babadook, that incredibly powerful human side of the film is driven by Davis. So add her to my list of non-nominees who win in my book.

Rosamund Pike (a very suspicious wife in Gone Girl) definitely deserves to be on the same level as Davis, and Reese Witherspoon (a lonely divorcee hiking through Wild) turns in a career-defining role, but neither can match the level of emotional commitment that Davis displays throughout The Babadook.

OSCAR PREDICTION: Reese Witherspoon (Wild)




Best Director: Alejandro González Iñárritu (Birdman)

Iñárritu has truly shown his talent in this masterpiece, directing this film in a unique and interesting way. Birdman follows a washed-up actor whose career is defined by his performance as a superhero in the early 90’s (sound familiar to lead actor Michael Keaton?) as he tries to “do something great” by writing, directing, and starring in his own play on Broadway, pouring the last of his finances into it so that he can be respected and relevant again. With extremely long cuts and clever editing, the entire film flows as one shot, never turning away from its characters and conversations. In addition, Iñárritu often focuses on each person one by one, bringing us close to their faces in a riveting and personal way. His choice to use Antonio Sánchez’s amazing jazz drum soloing throughout the film adds to every scene, giving a rhythm to each scene that matches the pace of the characters and the dialogue. Much like fellow Mexican director Alfonso Cuarón, who won the Oscar for Best Director last year for Gravity, Iñárritu has flair and style that overflows from the screen.

Although David Fincher (the perfectionist, style-driven director in the model of Stanley Kubrick) with Gone Girl, and Denis Villeneueve (up-and-comer who creates incredible ambience and moral ambiguity) with Enemy, both gave great direction in their respective films, Iñárritu really delivered with the clever, witty, and thought-provoking Birdman.

OSCAR PREDICTION: Alejandro González Iñárritu (Birdman)




Best Music: Interstellar





















Let’s just all agree that Hans Zimmer is one of the greatest film composers of our time. With a career that includes The Lion King, The Dark Knight Trilogy, Inception, 12 Years a Slave, and now Interstellar, Zimmer has proven his magnificence time and time again. In this case, he uses the organ in a Gothic fashion to provide a mixed sense of wonder and terror throughout, setting the tone for how we feel about space travel. He also perfectly plays on the emotions of the crowd, combining stirring strings with the takeoff countdown while Matthew McConaughey’s character drives away from his family. The ticking of the clock (and the music with it) while on a planet where times passes slower, or when a man lies suffocating on a desolate surface, add to the tension and keep you invested at all times. With a film that relies almost totally on sound to overwhelm (by design from Nolan), Zimmer does his job in creating a soundtrack that can be listened to over and over again.

Birdman's unique and rhythmic drum soloing, Guardians of the Galaxy's incredibly catchy and fitting mixtape soundtrack, Gone Girl's atmospheric and dread-inducing compositions from Reznor, Enemy's ambient strings of confusion, and The Imitation Game's driving and wondrous music all deserved this award almost equally, but in the end, it came down to the soundtrack that was able to make a movie far greater than it should have been, and so Interstellar won.

OSCAR PREDICTION: Interstellar





Best Leading Actor: David Oyelowo (Selma)























Here is my final entry in the categories that should have been won by those who were not nominated. But I think there was no greater wrong than this snub. In an incredibly jaw-dropping fashion, Oyelowo was not nominated despite the single greatest performance of the year. Much like last year, an incredibly powerful acting performance goes amiss (Chiwetel Ejiofor was nominated but somehow lost), curiously. Regardless, Oyelowo has vastly surpassed all other actors this year with his role as the great Martin Luther King Jr., whom we all are afraid that we actually know very little about. 

Selma captures a moment in MLK's life where he just got segregation ended and received a Nobel Peace Prize, but he knows the war has only just begun. Oyelowo gives us the awe-inspiring MLK that we know from speeches, delivering them in an outstanding fashion that seems identical to the man. But he also gives us the human side of MLK that we've never seen before, the side that doubts himself at times and does not always follow the straight and narrow path. But we also finally learn how pacifism and marches work, beyond the vague understanding that most of us have, and get a look into the politics of it and the extreme difficulty that those who marched with MLK in Alabama had to face each and every day. When I look back at 2014, I will remember it as a year of terrific lead acting roles, but one will always stand high above the rest. Selma is still in its theatrical run, and although it has been overshadowed by the idolatrous American Sniper, I highly, HIGHLY recommend that you go to see it, and take any person over 12 with you so that they can understand this important event in our history and see what a true American hero was.

Benedict Cumberbatch (the enigmatic mathematician who was vital to WWII) in The Imitation Game, Michael Keaton (the washed-up actor who must overcome criticism and fame) in Birdman, and Jake Gyllenhaal (as two men at odds with one another and a sociopathic cameraman) in both Enemy and Nightcrawler, all deserved Oscars for their performances as well, but sadly only one award exists. Honorable mentions should also be given to Andy Serkis (Dawn of the Planet of the Apes), Matthew McConaughey (Interstellar), Ellar Coltrane (Boyhood), and Nicholas Cage (Joe) as well for their great roles.

OSCAR PREDICTION: Benedict Cumberbatch (The Imitation Game)





Best Picture: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

“You’re doing this because you’re scared to death, like the rest of us, that you don’t matter, and, you know what, you’re right. You don’t! It’s not important, okay? You’re not important! Get used to it.”

With that line, Emma Stone’s character delivers a blow to the egotistical actor-father that Michael Keaton plays, showing him that his play that he’s become so wrapped up in is not as important as he thinks. It’s exchanges like these that make Birdman so terrific in its simultaneous bashing of exploitational cinema (primarily superhero movies), overly snooty critics (both artistic/theater and gossip/movie), and a culture brimming with self importance and increasing desperation. In a movie about theatre and plays, the camera keeps rolling and the dialogue never stops. With one of the greatest screenplays since The Social Network, Birdman keeps us constantly entertained and interested without ever resorting to quick shots, action or explosions. One of my favorite sequences involves Norton and Keaton sitting down and working through the script. Norton tries to show Keaton how the flow of the script is wrong, and so they just go through it naturally, discovering the way to talk that sounds normal and not forced. These little things appeal to the writer within me.

As already explained, everyone is on their A-game here with acting, completely devoted to their respective roles and characters. Iñárritu delivers as one of the great upcoming directors, and Sánchez keeps the drums rolling and the film moving. The final twenty minutes left me at the edge of my seat as the entire movie came together perfectly, destiny and fate intertwining, and then left me wondering how it really ended. I really had my top 3 movies at an interchangeable level, but what made Birdman rise above the rest (much like its titular character) was its perfection. I literally cannot find a flaw at any point in this movie, like a perfectly executed stageplay.

The aforementioned close films were Boyhood and Selma, and both were well deserving of the award as well, but there were TINY flaws that I could find in those that I could not in Birdman. And so, I give you the Best Picture of 2014!!

OSCAR PREDICTION: Boyhood

TL;DR

1. Birdman (Best Picture, Best Director, Best Ensemble Cast)
2. Boyhood (Best Supporting Actress)
3. Selma (Best Leading Actor)
4. Interstellar (Best Music, Best Visual Effects)
5. Enemy (Best Cinematography)
6. The Raid 2: Berandal (Best Foreign Film)
7. The Lego Movie (Best Animated Film)
8. The Babadook (Best Leading Actress, Best Sound Effects)
9. Joe (Best One-Hit Wonder Performance)
10. The Imitation Game (Best Screenplay)
11. Whiplash (Best Supporting Actor)
12. Marvel: Guardians of the Galaxy (Best Cinematic Song)
13. CitizenFour (Best Documentary)

Enjoy the rest of your day, hopefully as much as you enjoyed reading my list! Please comment with your opinions, good or bad, for or against, and let us reminisce on another great year in cinema filled with innovative films!

The Wagon in the Road

A brown horse traveled down a misty lane.
Hooves clopped softly against the cobblestone and echoed back from the fog.
Although the wooden wagon behind tugged hard against the shoulders, the stallion did not shy from the task and pulled ahead into the thick and saturated air.

The road split into two ways: one to the right, and the other.
The progression halted and awaited orders.
A drag left decided the direction, and onwards went the wagon.

Night closed in, but the journey continued with encouragement of the reins, and the horse wearing thick, black blinders kept on.
A frigid breeze settled into the dark air, and soon another fork with three ways arrived.
Swiftly pulled right, the wagon wobbled down the road in stony silence.

The gray light of a barren day began to glow through the air, and a great mountain rose ahead.
The road now had many turnoffs, many courses which could be traversed.
But the reins did not move, so the wagon marched straight and true.

At the foot of the mountain, sheer cliff blocked all ways except for a narrow in the mountain.
The horse stopped, unsure whether to advance or await the driver.
The wait lasted for many hours, until the sun was almost set again, and the wind raged against.
A brisk tug forwards resumed the march, and into the passage the wagon traveled.

The air roared and whistled and shoved the bluffs wildly about the marcher's eyes.
A sharp crack reverberated loudly through the small canyon, and the horse stopped in fear.
A gentle word, a kind gesture, a slight assurance was all that was needed to proceed.

But there were none.
Unwilling to continue in the storm, the packhorse sat and waited for morninglight.

The dawn sky illuminated a collapse in the route ahead.
A dead end.
The wagonpuller whinnied loudly, still awaiting further charges.

A tug left.
The worker complied.
A jerk right.
Very well, and turned about.

A pull back.
The haulbearer attempted to glare, but blinders hid the person.

Ripping and rotating about, the mouth-leashed fought but stopped and sat down.
Frustrated, the head bent low and hooves began to pry the black leather loose.
But they were so tightly affixed that it pained.
A complaint for explanation was met with silence, and so the blinders were mishandled.

After many, many hours, the blinders fell to the rocky floor, coated in hair and dirt and blood.
The servant turned to finally examine the abusive master.
But the wagon in the road was empty, save for the ends of reins blowing in the wind.